Problems with Clear Wireless
So, I was speaking to clear about my poor internet speeds since last Thursday. Here is a snapshot of my conversation with them.
Yeah, it was pretty funny. I originally posted this to my Facebook account. Here is a copy of one of my responses when some people started asking questions.
I am actually doing more research into the matter. Wired cable is treated similar to a telephone: it’s considered a utility. If I can argue and prove that their service is unusable during extended periods of time, I can corner them into giving me a month for free and they can’t fight it. In a sense, they would be obligated to waive the monthly service. Many people don’t know, but if your home telephone goes out for more than 4 hours in a day, you are entitled to one day free service. If it goes out for more than a day, you are entitled to a month of free service. This is how it was when I worked for AT&T and Time Warner. It’s not something the utility companies talk about, but it’s regulated by the FCC. Since wireless is also regulated by the FCC, I want to see exactly how they define wireless internet. If it’s deemed a utility, then I have that argument. They can try to deny me the credit, but then I can complain to the FCC directly and they would then be forced to give me the credit. I tear apart Terms and Conditions all the time when I buy things. I did the same thing with Cricket Wireless. They refused to refund me my rate plan cost because they tried to tell me it was considered an “Activation Fee.” I went into their T&C and found that it did not consider a “Rate Plan” an “Activation Fee.” I argued my case and won and my monthly service was refunded to me. My years in wireless really helped me in so many ways.
I did do a little more research, but in the end I was just sick of Clear and sick of paying $50 a month for something that hadn’t worked as advertised for 8 straight days. Here is something I was originally going to post to Facebook, but decided just to add to this blog post.
UPDATE! – So, I called Clear today to cancel. I had been using the internet service from them again this morning and was still getting massive slowdowns. I call them and I tell them I want to cancel. I was expecting them to try and do a save which is when they offer you usually some sort of credit or discount to try and keep you from canceling your service with them. We did that when I worked for AT&T Wireless so I figured they’d do it as well. They did give me a great offer though. They knocked 40% off my service price, no contract. I said sure, go ahead and apply the save promo, but if my speeds aren’t any better in the next couple of days I will just end up canceling anyway. Well, I had mentioned in a previous post that I knew they were purposely slowing me down via a bandwidth management system they use. Guess what…no more than 5 minutes after I ended my call with Clear, my pre-issue speeds are back to their previous levels. (Feigning shock) Now, even during peak times, my speeds are quite fast and I am paying far less for the same service. Lesson? COMPLAIN! I figured the worst that could happen was they offered nothing and I would just rid myself of them, but now it looks like I am on an unofficial “Do not throttle” list, at least for a little while.
Here is a copy of an email I got from Clear along with the “Save” promo they added. (I blotted out personal info)
You’ll notice the name of the promo is Loyalty Stay Connected 6mos. I am thinking perhaps since I had been with them over 6 months that this promo might only be good for people that have been with them for a certain period of time. In other words, if you’ve been with them for only 6 or 7 weeks you may not be offered this. They also said that this promo was good for 6 months so it might also mean that. Still, most places that offer internet and cell phone service generally give better save offers if you’ve been with them for a good while.
Well, this is how it went with me and Clear. If something changes, I will give an update. For now, I am enjoying my faster speeds again and hope they stay that way.
Good Night and Good Luck
I’m leaving Facebook and Twitter for the foreseeable future. I will not delete either account, but I will not be responding to messages or tweets. Over the course of the last several months I have found it increasingly difficult to deal with all the distractions and detriments that social media has brought onto me. I know it is my choice whether to participate in social media or not which is why I am making the choice to step back from it for the time being. I will not post personal updates on Facebook and I will not respond to messages or comments on any posts. I will not post tweets or respond to tweets directed toward me.
I have found it is best for me to ignore all of the negativity that swirls in and around social media. This also goes for any and all conversations I may see in things that I participate in such as online conversations via Facebook, Yahoo, CNN, or any other comment generating media such as chat rooms and even online games. While I may still visit such venues from time to time to keep up with the progression of the world, I will not engage in any sort of contact with any other person through these mediums. If my feelings on this worsen, I will cease visiting news outlets as they too are a generator of negativity and in today’s internet culture, only seem to serve the “Internet Troll” and not the ordinary citizen.
The few exceptions in this will be the posting of updates pertinent to my chosen profession(s) as an author / editor / ghost writer / content reviewer. Any photos posted on either my personal Facebook page, Twitter, or my Author page(s) will be solely for further developing my business. Any and all business related correspondence should be directed to the following email address:
Only business related emails will receive a response. All others will be discarded. To further isolate myself, you may not receive a response from me at all, but from one of my writing partners or my producer.
In the event of an emergency, I may choose to respond to correspondence. However, no one should assume that I am constantly watching my email or that I will visit any of the websites previously listed. My immediate family should already know how to reach me in the event of an emergency.
The internet is a wonderful place. However, it is also populated with horrors and unseemly characters that many of us would never allow into our own homes. It is pretty much the electronic version of the real world. Just as most of us would never voluntarily walk down a street in a violent neighborhood, I am choosing not to visit places on the internet that would ultimately do me harm. To me, this violent place has become social media.
In several instances of simply trying to become part of the conversation, I have been labeled as unpatriotic, antireligious, and irresponsible. I’ve also been called various racial slurs that I will not reproduce here. I have been demeaned for going to college and I have been made fun of for reading books. I have been called a “fag lover” because I believe that marriage should be between two people who love each other and not just a man and a woman. I have been called anti American because I never wanted any of our military people to go to Iraq to die in a pointless war. I have been called a towelhead because I said we should not automatically assume that Muslims were behind the Boston bombings. I have been called “Chinky” and “Gooker” because I actually have no problem with the Asian community. I have been told “Go back to Mexico” because of my surname. I have been called a pedophile because I enjoy Japanese animation. Apparently, you cannot do anything in this world without someone hating you.
Over time, it’s become quite clear to me that there is no way to win at this. There are only certain levels of losing. Some people are so set in their ways that no amount of proof of something one way or another will get them to change their minds. It wasn’t that long ago that everyone thought that the Earth was the center of the universe. Yet, so many were so set in their ways that they refused to see the truth. Years later, the same thing happened when people figured out that the Earth wasn’t flat or that it revolved around the sun. Again, people were in denial over this. Nowadays, we see these things and accept them as fact because scientists have studied and proved them to be true.
For most people, you are either one way or another. There is no room for middle ground.
It is because of these things that I am choosing to no longer be part of the conversation. If any of my past statements didn’t sit well with you, consider this a gift as you won’t have to hear from me for an extended period of time. If you never noticed me before, you’ll not realize I am gone now and your life will not change. Very few people will actually care that I am no longer around. I can think of maybe two who might see my exit as negative. Sadly, most will either not care or actually be happy that I am no longer around. Again, consider it a gift.
If and when I come back, it will be on my own accord and not because of anyone else. I am not doing this for anyone else. I am doing this for myself. I want to do the things I love such as reading, writing, painting, drawing, and going back to college. I don’t want people to call me insane or make fun of me because I suffer from mental illness. My doctors have previously encouraged me to be more social and to go out more. In this case, I have to dismiss their suggestions and concentrate on just being me and not exposing myself to a group of hateful people who do not even realize they are prejudice.
I know people may read this and assume I am lumping everyone together. I am not. I never have. It would be like me saying something like “The world is full of bad parents.” People are offended by this. They never take the time to think about the statement. They never sit and think to themselves “Am I a bad parent?” They immediately assume I am talking about everyone. Why don’t they take the time to review their own record?
Do you raise your children to be good and honest people? Do you care for you kids? Do you feed them, cloth them? Take them to school? If so, then the above statement doesn’t apply to you. So, why are you offended?
Are you part of a group of hateful and prejudice people? If not, you should not be offended by my statement. If you are, then that is not my problem. It is yours and you need to look inside yourself and figure it out.
It is with this that I am signing off of social media. I do not know if or when I may return. Until then, I leave you with the words of Edward R. Murrow. Goodnight and good luck.
Boston Marathon Bombings – My Response
I was having a discussion on Facebook with some friends over how people tend to automatically assume it was someone from the middle east or an asian that set off those bombs (some very interesting tweets). We were exploring the fact that a ton of people have already assumed that it was a foreigner and not a white terrorist. My friend pointed me to a very interesting article (written by a white guy) that talks about how no one thinks that a white person could have perpetrated this latest violence. Here is one of my responses during our conversation:
“We like to think of ourselves as enlightened, but as a country, we’re not. There are still so many people out there ready to jump to conclusions about who did it. They always want to blame people from the middle east or in some cases, Asians. Absolutely no proof, yet they’ve already made up their minds. I read the story you linked to about white privilege and I have to say it rings very true. People seem to ignore the fact that we’ve had a very large number of white terrorists in our country, yet conveniently forget about them when something like the Boston bombings happens. I find it even more disturbing that the Colorado movie theater shooting was done by a white guy, yet they don’t mention that he’s a white terrorist. They blame guns or they blame mental illness. They never mention that he might be a white guy who just wants to kill as many people as possible. Same thing with the shootings at Sandy Hook. A white guy, but it’s the fault of the guns. Columbine High School, two white kids go crazy and shoot up their school and kill teachers and students, yet again, they blame guns and metal music. The only time race is EVER a factor is when the person doing the mass killing is not white. When we find out who did these latest bombings, I can tell you this. If he’s white, no one will say a thing about him being white. If he turns out to be practically any other race, you can bet your house that someone is going to play the race card and try to say “I told you so.””
English: Hope Columbine Memorial Library at Columbine High School in Columbine, Colorado. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The Gun Debate
Here is a Facebook response I posted to someone arguing about pro-gun legislation and about how the government is now trying to limit how and what guns are available.
“Most people are looking at this as sort of like the bible. Many people do not live by things written in a 2000 year old text. Sure, it has some moral lessons in it, but for the most part it is not followed today word for word. Not even close. (We don’t sell our daughters into slavery anymore) The same can be said about any government constitution. When it was written, they did not have the same problems that we do now. The world has changed. Back when this was written, they did not have fully automatic weapons or magazines that could hold a massive amount of ammunition. People are hating on the AR-15 lately. Pro gun people say it is not an assault rifle, yet I know a guy who can, with a few minor changes, make it fully automatic. Adjustments will always have to be made to things like laws because the world is always changing. Not too long ago, minorities were not allowed to sit in the front of the bus in many places in our country. That has changed. The same for women. With out the suffrage movement, women would still be without a voice in this country. Instead of holding steadfastly to an old rule, why not offer ways to improve it and adapt it to the world today? Many pro gunners reject the changes to the laws outright without offering any suggestions of their own, no original ideas. I am neither for or against guns. I think they serve a purpose so I am not arguing for or against any sort of ban. What I am saying is we need to have a real discussion or this will never be resolved. Until both parties are willing to sit and talk it out, this will go on pretty much forever. We get angry at our senators and congressmen when a budget doesn’t get passed, yet pro and anti gunners are doing the exact same thing with this issue…barking real loud, but not solving a thing.”
R. Allen
Johnson Automatic Rifle (in Center) (Photo credit: neepster)
Amanda Todd: A Reaction
People have been talking about Amanda Todd, a 15 year old girl who took her own life from endless bullying. If you’ve read my blog before you will know I am no stranger to major depression and thoughts of suicide. While I cannot claim to have know this girl, I can attest to how she probably felt. A friend of mine posted a story about her on their Facebook page to bring the story to light for those who may not have heard about it. The following was my reaction.
“This happens to adults as well as children. We are all people and we all make bad decisions every now and then. She did and she knew she did, and for that she was cast out of society until she couldn’t take it anymore. A perfect adult example of this is what has happened and is happening with Michael Vick. The guy screwed up big time and for that, he went to jail. He repaid his debt to society, yet people still bash him and ridicule him, and sadly it will probably always be that way. It’s this sort of mentality that destroys people. A person makes one or two mistakes in their lives and they are never able to live it down. Of course, this 15 year old girl had more of an excuse than Vick, but the situations are still similar. Yes, he was a grown man and she was just a kid. Still, we are mere spectators in most of these situations and we need to stop being so judgmental. We are no one to judge others. None of us. We’ve all made mistakes in our lives. Until we can realize that everyone in one way or another is screwed up, this will continue to happen.”
I was in no way making excuses for what Michael Vick did. He knows he made a huge mistake and for that he was sent to jail and dismissed from the NFL. There is no way he can bring back the lives of the animals he took, but to assume he can never fully redeem himself is selfish on the part of society. In some people’s eyes, anything he may be doing or might do in the future to try to redeem himself will never be enough. That’s unfair. The same can be said for this little girl. She made a huge mistake by showing off her body and letting herself be photographed. Still, it was the mistake of a person with very little wisdom and no grasp on the long term repercussions of her actions. She screwed up. Everyone screws up. We all don’t do the exact same things this girl did, but we do eventually make a bad decision. Maybe we do something dumb like not keeping up with our children or maybe we start gambling away all our money. Maybe we get into drugs or start drinking too much.
If a drunk can find redemption, then so can this little girl. So can Michael Vick. I’ve had my run ins with drunks and suffice it to say, they were not the greatest of times in my life. The same can be said of those with drug problems. These people that have directly affected my life made mistakes just like Michael and Amanda did. Yet, here I am, having forgave those people for their actions.
I find it remarkably disturbing that so many people find it so hard to forgive. I find it even worse that so many people that had nothing to do with those mistakes somehow feel justified in condemning not the mistakes themselves, but the people who made them. What’s done is done. We cannot change that. There is no secret time machine where we can somehow go back into the past and correct our mistakes. Sure, the people who screwed up would surely like to do just that, but it’s simply not an option. All these people can do is seek atonement. It is up to them and if they sincerely wish to atone for their sins, we should be able to find it in our hearts to forgive them and maybe even offer them help to achieve that goal.
I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care what religion you follow, what political group to ally yourself with, or what color your skin is. Not a single one of us has any right to pass judgment on anyone else. We have all screwed up. Some more than others, but not one of us is innocent. If a person is truly remorseful for their trespass, we should do our best to let go of any hate or anger that developed from that indiscretion. As the old saying goes, hate begets hate. Anger begets anger. Forgiveness, compassion, love…well, they help to heal.
Amanda Todd – gone too soon – Rest in Peace.
Photo via Vancouversun.com
Aurora, CO Shooting – There is No God
I keep hearing and seeing people say things about what happened in Aurora, CO at The Dark Knight Rises premier. People seem to be saying the same thing.
What a tragedy!
How insane!
At least, this is what they say about the people who were killed. A bunch of others were injured, but luckily they made it out alive. Many others got out unscathed. As I said about those that got out with only minor injuries…lucky.
I also keep hearing people say “Thankfully God was watching over the survivors!” They also post things on Twitter and Facebook saying essentially the same thing.
God was looking out for them!
God protected them!
God wasn’t protecting anyone.
How can I say such a heartless thing? I don’t see it as heartless. I just see it as the truth. I find it fascinating that people say that God was looking out for the survivors. Screw the survivors. What about those that died? Who was looking out for them? Nobody…because there is no God.
God supposedly looks out for people that truly believe. He looks out for people that live good lives. What does that say about those that were killed? Where they bad people? Did they break laws? Were they evil? Criminal? Only they truly know what kind of lives they led.
And then there’s the shooter, a 24 year old guy named James Holmes. What about him? Police say he thought he was the Joker. Before this, he was apparently a premed student. Not such a bad thing. It’s interesting to think about though. How do you go from being premed to killing innocent people in a crowded movie theater? One thing we can probably say for sure is…he knew what he was doing.
He knew he was going somewhere where the crowds would be large and held in a confined space. Anyone who is familiar with a movie theater knows that in most cases, you walk up s short walkway, then travel up a few steps to get to your seats. Once you’re settled in and ready to see the movie, there are only two ways out: the emergency exit or back the way you came. Fact is either way you have to go back down those steps to get there, to get out. James knew this. He knew people would be stuck up a handful of steps. He knew how they would be seating. He knew once the film was going and people were into it, it was going to be a turkey shoot.
And then there’s God. Did God see the evil inside this person? Did God stop him from accumulating all those weapons? The body armor? The gas mask? Did God try to stop him from going into that movie theater? Was he up there in heaven looking down at him while he slaughtered women? Children? Good people who probably had nothing against him? No. He didn’t. If God was there, looking over the bloodshed, he knew what was happening. He knew people would die.
God looked over that scene and he didn’t seem to mind.
And what’s happening now? James is getting exactly what he wants. Everyone is talking about him as if he were a celebrity. He’s all over the papers, online news sites, Twitter, Facebook, Google+…everywhere. We’re giving him exactly what he wanted.
God bless the survivors? The victims? No.
God bless no one.
Getup Get God (Photo credit: prettywar-stl)
Related articles
- Police confirm at least 14 dead, 50 injured after movie theater shooting in Colorado (minbcnews.com)
Data used in the article was sourced from CNN.com.
Article by Ruby Jones (@Ruby_M_Jones), Emily Carmichael (@Executive_Emily) and Richard Allen (@RichardAllenRH).
“We Are All Retarded” Free Release Event
Well, her book is ready to go and she is very excited!
We’ve setup a free release event for Ruby M. Jones via Facebook and you can show her your support by “joining” the rest of us here.
We hope this is the beginning of many great things for Ruby and for our small, but tight knit writing family. If you were interested, you can get the skinny on all of us by clicking here. Thank you all again for your continued support not only of my work, but also of Ruby’s work as well as Emily’s. We hope Ruby will be our first 100k seller!
Best of luck, Ruby!
Lots of Edits
Ruby’s project is moving along nicely. I would say about 80% done with her stuff, but even then it gets one more look to be sure.
My stuff is still getting rewritten and editing like mad. I’ve dropped about 4500 words out of it overall which is not bad, but it needs more. My goal is 25k words at the very least. I’m not sure if I will hit it though as I am already in chapter 7 of 28. Who knows, I might make it. If I don’t, it’s not a huge deal. I just want the book to be shorter so people aren’t overwhelmed by it. 500 pages is a lot to ask people to read. 60 years ago that wasn’t a huge deal, but people have changed. Either way, it’s no longer 513 pages as it was. Now it’s closer to 500 and dropping so if I can get it to 450 that would be great.
In case you missed them, here are the two covers I did in the last couple of weeks. The first is for Ruby’s book and the second is for mine. Hope you like them.
Last Night is Free on Amazon…Really!
That’s right. It’s really free. Help get Last Night to #1 by telling everyone you know about it and downloading it. You don’t even need a Kindle reader to do it. You can use the Kindle computer reader or even the cloud reader. Just download! Download! Download!. Unfortunately, each account can only download it one time each so please do what you can to spread the word.
When I mean free, I don’t mean free after some dumb rebate or anything like that . I mean free as in completely 100% free. No delivery costs, no extra stuff to do. Just go to Amazon, look up the book, click order, you will see where it says FREE and then just like that it will give you the option of where to have it sent. Again, you can have it sent to a Kindle device, the cloud reader, or the kindle for computer reader. Heck, there are even Apps for devices like iPads, iPhones, and Androids out there as well.
It’s not a very long read either. It’s all of 17 pages so it’s short and sweet. I’ve gotten great reviews from scholars and a couple of hate reviews from trolls so you know it’s good stuff. For a shortcut to book, you can click here. Once you read it, make sure you got back and give it a review if you have time or at least a big “Thumbs up!” so people will be encouraged to check it out! You can also visit the Facebook event by clicking here.
Thank you all for your continued support of my work and once the Rumbling Heart Series is ready to come back, I will work on trying to get those free on Amazon as well.
Cover of Last Night
Does “Getting Help” Mean Losing Who You Are?
I’m not well.
I say that all the time and most people take it with a grain of salt, but maybe they shouldn’t. At least, not anymore. I’ve stopped hiding my treatments from people. I’ve been making it known on Facebook that I’ve been seeing doctors and taking medications. Very few of you know exactly what the problem is. Some of you probably think I’m just a little down and I will bounce back. What I think most of you do not understand is that this is not something you can really bounce back from. There is no cure for this. This is something I have to live with the rest of my life. In fact, I’ve been living with it most of my life and you all just didn’t know it, but I did. Some of you are probably calling bullshit right now and that’s fine. That’s on me because for years I was doing something I really didn’t like to do and I was so good at it that it because second nature to me.
I lied.
I made you all believe I was fine. I made you all believe I was alright and that everything was going smoothly. It wasn’t. Maybe a few of you noticed it, the very subtle clues may have creeped out here and there, but for the most part I doubt any of you noticed. Sure, I complained of my headaches, but who doesn’t get headaches, right? There was more. There was always more. Well, if you are really curious what the doctors call it, here it is.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder
I guess a few things need to be debunked right now, the common misconceptions.
#1. I’m obviously not an idiot. My IQ has in no way been affected by this. In fact, some studies have shown that because of some of the OCD properties associated with some cases, some patients show a much higher than average IQ. EG: Me.
#2. We’re not all maniacs. Any of you that know me know that I am not a violent person. I don’t get physically violent or start physical altercations. In fact, most people with my illness are victims of very violent crimes. Again, those of you who’ve been around me the last 10-15 years know what happened to me.
#3. We’re not all addicts. Again, if you know me, you know I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t take any drugs unless my doctors specifically tell me to. Yes, some people do develop addictions, but I don’t. I’ve been known to make a 30 day supply of Vicodin last over 6 months. My doctor actually got after me for that one because oddly enough that goes back to the OCD properties of my illness.
I’m coming out and saying all this because I am tired of hiding behind the veil of secrecy. I’ve been hiding a lot of this since I was a teenager. That is pretty much when all this started. I guess this all leads to my biggest concern. With all of my treatments, my therapy sessions, the doctor visits, and of course the drugs, how is this going to change who I am? I am already seeing it. If you were paying attention to my personal Facebook, you saw bits and pieces of a massive melt down not that long ago. I was certain that it was me being taken off the drugs the doctors had me on, but now they are saying it was probably me having a mental break. In all honesty, I think it was more of a case of them covering their own ass.
Fact is I consider myself an artist, a writer. I create worlds and characters. I write poetry and songs and short stories. I occasionally paint and draw when my hands are steady enough. Artistic expression is as important to me as breathing. Without it, I won’t survive long. It’s hard for me to admit this, even to the doctor, but for most of my life…I’ve heard voice in my head. Not the crazy, wild “Go murder your neighbors” voices. It’s been just one or two voices for the most part, one in particular…a woman. She’s never told me to hurt anyone and never told me to hurt myself. If anything, she’s enriched my life and helped me with my life’s work as a writer and artist. When I talked to my therapist about this, I told him I thought this was just the way life was. I thought it was normal to hear that voice. I thought it was my conscious. He and the doctors say it’s far from normal and it has to stop. I told him that I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to. he asked me why. I told him I didn’t know of any other way to live. He said I would have to eventually find a way to. I didn’t respond to him. I just looked away.
Today they gave me a new drug, designed specifically to make the voices stop completely called Invega. I sat here today looking at the prescription paper, thinking about what it meant for me if I started taking the drug and sure enough, that sweet little voice started talking to me. Obviously since it’s in my head, they knew exactly what was happening. In just these last few weeks, I’ve been taking their drugs and doing all that they’ve told me to do and already I can feel my mind changing. I don’t feel like the same person anymore. I no longer think the same way I used to. Some might think that’s for the better, but I don’t think it is. My level of creativity seems to be slipping. I am having a harder time writing and editing. I used to be able to do several creative things at a time. Now I am having trouble doing just one. I am afraid if I start this new drug along with a couple of others they want me to take that I will lose all of who I am. I am afraid that one day i will wake up and not recognize who I am.
My therapist says that he wants to get me to a point where I am happy with my life. I know I cannot be happy unless I am creating. If they take that away from me, I do not see the point. It feels as if the happiness will not be real. It will be chemical induced. I will be nothing more than a drug addict; believing something that isn’t real.
What will I have then? Writing and creating…they are the few things I find pure joy in and if I can’t do those any longer, what’s the point of even going through all this? It makes me question who I am really doing all this for. Am I even doing this for me or am I doing this because it’s what’s expected? As I’ve said, no matter what I do, I will never be “cured.” I can’t see myself doing this the rest of my life. Where does this all end? Who does this all end? I’ve yet to be given a timeline. At this point, all I want is to leave Corpus Christi. I know that won’t make all this go away, but at least I will be away from here.
I’m just tired of the drugs and the promises and the anxiety. I don’t want to hear crap about faith and God and being strong because that hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I am not throwing a self pity party either because it’s pointless. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
If you were curious, you have your answers. If you were looking to make fun of me, go ahead because I probably don’t care enough to read your negative comments anyway. If you just want to nod your head, that’s fine, too.
Everything
Anyone that knows me knows I’ve had my fair share of good and bad relationships. Unfortunately, most of them have been bad and to an extreme degree. I guess you could say that while I can’t call myself an expert on the subject because no one really can, I will say I’ve learned a few things through my failures. There is one thing in particular that I want to focus on though and there is a big reason for it.
I’m not going to name names for obvious reasons, but I was going about my day and noticed a little spat on one of the more popular social networks between a man I knew and his girlfriend. It was made public that he was in the dog house for various reasons. Not wanting to be outdone, the girlfriend felt the need to offer her side of the story in her own way; also on the social network.
Now, I know him a lot better than I know her. Regardless, I refuse to take sides because only the two of them know exactly what’s going on in their relationship. Having been through similar events, I know better than to buy anything that is spilled out onto something like a social network because usually you only get bits and pieces of the story. Still, people who see those things are more than willing to start taking sides and of course, people begin commenting which only escalates the matter, making things worse.
My advice on this matter is plain and simple: whenever you argue with your significant other, keep those arguments between the two of you regardless of what it’s about.
I know sometimes tempers can flare and things that we will later regret can be said, but when you start posting things on places like Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Blogs, etc., you’re only asking for trouble. First off, it’s no one else’s business but yours and your significant others. I know some people may argue that with me, but that is 100% true. I don’t care who you are. The argument that you are having with them has NOTHING to do with your mother, your friends, your cousins, your co-workers. Perhaps it might be about them, but the fact is it ultimately has to be worked out between the two of you.
Spreading your business around to other parties will only create boundaries within a relationship which will eventually grow. Soon, they will become so big, you will not be able to get past them and others who know about the arguments between you and your spouse / boyfriend / girlfriend will begin to judge without even realizing it and it’s not their position to judge.
In a relationship I was previously in, my ex felt the need to tell her family, not just her mother, but her aunts as well, about virtually every argument we ever had. The sad thing about it was she made it out to them that all we ever did was fight which soon made them question why we were even together. There were good times in there. I must admit not as many as I would have liked, but there were some. Sadly though, when the relationship did finally end, according to her family, I was the devil incarnate because all they knew was I was the man who left her after putting her in jail. They never knew my side of the story. To this day they don’t. I learned the same thing on my end. Because of the trauma I suffered at her hands, I revealed some details to my family and now they have this idea that she is this completely evil woman. I don’t believe she’s an evil person at all. She just had some problems that she needed to resolve. In the end, we both knew we weren’t right for each other. Looking back at it all now, we both know that there are times when we need to keep certain things between the two of us. It’s simply no one else’s business and it never should be.
I guess what I am trying to say is think before you speak the next time you feel like venting to a friend or family member about your significant other. It’s ok to be upset with them. When you are with someone, it’s a given that you will eventually get into an argument here and there. I’ve found that the best thing to do is to not EVER cut off the lines of communication. The “Silent Treatment” doesn’t work. Trust me. I made that mistake. I was an idiot for trying it. It’s dumb and childish and it’s one of my biggest regrets. If you find yourself upset with your spouse, talk to them. If your spouse if upset with you, put the damn TV remote down and listen to them. Talking to them for 15 minutes is more important than a stupid football game. Sometimes just letting them vent to you can solve an argument. Sometimes they just want to feel that you are still on their side. Remember, you are supposed to be that one person that they can turn to for anything in the world. The moment they feel they can no longer talk to you is the beginning of the end, but take heart in knowing that it’s not too late.
I often think about how I would redo some of my failed relationships. There is one in particular. I guess you could say she was the one that got away. I know we shouldn’t regret certain things, but I regret losing her. I can make excuses for myself by saying I was young, I was only 19, etc., but that won’t make things better. Looking back, I know why I lost her. She accepted me for who I was and didn’t ask me to change a single thing about myself. My problem was I was so caught up in what other people thought and I was too busy talking to others that I neglected her feelings. Still, she stuck by me as long as she could till one day she couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t blame her. I really don’t. That girl is married now, living a good life and I’m happy for her. Still, that doesn’t take away my regret.
The next time you argue with your man or woman, look at them and think about what you are about to say or do, even if for just 2 seconds. Think about how they are going to react to your words and actions because although you may not think much about it, your very next words can and will stay with them for years after. Believe me. I still remember the last conversation I had with that girl and I will probably remember it the rest of my life. Remember, if you truly love them, you accept them for who they are. You love them for everything that they are. You love their light and you love their dark. As I’ve said before, you will argue. There is no way around it. There are certain things that should stay between the two of you. Just make sure when you look at them and you feel that anger, make sure you see everything. Remember why you are with them and remember and hope that they are thinking and feeling the same thing, and that they are still there with you not because they have to be, but because they want to be.
Twitter Killer
People on Twitter may kill me for this one.
I will never follow 25k people. Ever.
Why? That’s something a retard would do. Yes, I said it. Let the hate mail and unfollows begin.
Let’s face it. The only reason people follow 25k are because they are wanting those 25k to follow them back. Thing is those 25k people are only following back for the exact same reason. The thing about Twitter though is to have people follow you who actually read your tweets and when someone is following 25k people…come on, do you really think they give a damn about what you are tweeting? Their twitter feed is so filled with spam, it’s probably nearly impossible to decipher one tweet from the next. Yes, I know there are apps and so forth that can help, but still. The chances that you will get noticed and added to said app are slim to none. I used to be like many of those people, desperate for followers, wanting to get as many as possible, but I am breaking from that. I have slowly been dropping my follows down to people I actually interact with. Of those that are left, I generally do read their tweets, at least from time to time so if I follow you, rest assured it’s because I actually read your tweets and NOT because you are following me. That number will continue to decline. I am going through my lists and if I see someone with a ridiculously large number of people they are following, I am more than likely going to drop them. I have maybe 1 or 2 exceptions to this rule. Why? Those people I am actually close to and have known for awhile and I actually do speak to them beyond twitter.
As for everyone else? Sorry, but I refuse to play this “Follow me and I’ll follow you back!” game any longer. You can hate me now. You won’t be the first.
Image via CrunchBase
Many Thanks
I just want to take a moment to thank all of my Twitter and Facebook followers and fans. Because of your continued support, I have cracked the top 50 on Smashwords.com. Of all the authors up there, as of this moment I am currently #42 most popular / viewed which is a terrific achievement. Hopefully, we can keep it going. It would be amazing to crack not only the top 10, but maybe even become #1.
Be sure to tell all your friends about the free work I offer there which include copies of the original Rumbling Heart as well as Recorded Butterflies which is the 2nd book in the series. There is also a new short on Smashwords as well called On The Way Home which is written by one of the RH characters. Its sort of a tiny peek into what you might expect to see from the 4th and final installment in the RH series.
One additional work on there is a short called Last Night about a struggling writer and a conversation he shares with an ex athlete. While it may not seem like much in the first few pages, by the end, you will find yourself questioning not only the narrator, but also the decision that he makes regarding his friend. You will either nod your head or be completely shocked. At about 5600 words, it’s a short read and it’s free so be sure to give it a look.
Ty all again for the continued support and I hope to keep you all entertained.
UPDATE!
I’ve moved up in ranking, currently sitting pretty at #12. Top 10? Let’s hope for it!
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/richardallen
On The Way Home cover
“Emily Martin” Release Date Set
On Tuesday, September 27th, Emily Martin will be available for purchase from BN.com, Amazon, and Smashwords.com. A Facebook event has been created which is located here. Thank you all for the continued support as I look forward to getting more feedback on this next installment of the Rumbling Heart series. With just one more to go, this book will bring several things into perspective and get you all set for the final book.
Emily Martin switches gears a little and tells the story from the perspective of John Allen’s best friend, Emily. With just one last installment to go after EM, this book gives readers an inside look into Emily’s mind as she reveals what she really thinks about John, Olivia, and even the meddlesome Donna as she journeys with him through one of the most difficult times in his life. While giving her two cents on virtually every detail of John’s life, Emily is also dealing with her own problems as someone from her past comes back into her life, looking only to cause major issues for her. Being the woman that she is, she finds a way to cope, albeit a questionable one, and soon that decision sees her walking down a path she never thought possible.
Full with intrigue, heartache, loss, and at times, laugh out loud humor, Emily Martin will take you by the hand and show you a side of her you never knew existed, and when the final two chapters are upon you, you will see something so unexpected, you will find yourself begging for the final book as you will not be able to wait to see how it all ends.
Recorded Butterflies Release Event
Put together a little something for the official release via Facebook. If you would like to show your support, the link to the event is here.
While I really feel that Rumbling Heart was a great accomplishment in my life, I think that Recorded Butterflies, as far as writing goes, is superior in many ways. I grew and learned from RH and because of that, the reader should get an overall better experience with my latest work. Be sure to mark “Attending” for the event as I will be giving away a couple of PDF copies of the book during the time the event is going on.
Again, thank you all for your continued support and I promise, cause Hillary asked me to, I will try my best not to offend anyone. Heh.
Recorded Butterflies – Done
It’s finished. A few slight oversights aside, it is ready for Amazon and BN.com. I kept getting feedback that my first book was quite long. Anyone who got through that work and felt that way will appreciate the fact that this one comes in at a whopping 278 pages so its much shorter. I would still recommend reading the first book though as this one picks up where the other left off. With the first book, I had to lay a lot of groundwork and with this one, all I had to do was simply touch on some of it as a sort of reminder. As a stand alone book, this one still has some good chops, but I think to really get into the characters, it will benefit most people to give Rumbling Heart a read as well.
All I really have left to do is type up a Synopsis and upload the work and it’s all done. I hope this book satisfies my loyal followers as it focuses on the same characters as the first book and continues to explore their lives. There are at least 2 major twists in this work. They are so big that they are pretty hard to miss…in fact, they may club you in the face. Be sure to check out the Facebook event as I will be giving away at least 2 copies of RB to those attending. Great thing about the event…you don’t even have to go anywhere or be somewhere at a specific time. All you have to do is click attend. Your support is greatly appreciated.
RB Editing
It’s moving along nicely and with minimal issues. In fact, the only problem is when I leave twitter and Facebook up while I am editing because it’s a pretty big distraction. When I close them out, it’s smooth sailing. The girlfriend has been off with her kids on a mini vacation and she hasn’t had cell phone service so I can’t really speak to her, although I’d like to. I am using the time though to continue working so I am trying to make the best of her being away.
I’ve already loaded descriptions for this next work into Barnes and Noble and Amazon. Being that this is going to be a shorter work, I am thinking of a starting price of $2.99 but I’m still figuring that out. This book will pick up where RH left off so it should boost the sales of that work as well so I will see how I feel when it comes to that. To those who have expressed interest in proofing this work, some first revisions are done and I am looking to have a couple of people go over those chapters. Please keep in mind I am looking for more feedback than a simple “it’s good” or “I liked it” so please keep that in mind when asking me for copies. Obviously those copies are not the final draft so if you do some proofing for me, chances are there will be changes in the final work so be sure to ask me for your free copy once its officially released.
Sample Cover Art
Synopsis – Rumbling Heart
Here is the synopsis I came up with for my book. This is what will appear on both the Amazon and Barns and Noble listing. As soon as the purchase links are available, I will post them. Some of you may already notice the updated links to the blog. While I am getting things set, the book is not yet available, but will be in the next day or so. Enjoy.
Rumbling Heart Synopsis
After escaping the clutches of his abusive ex-wife, John finds himself living a rather dreary and reclusive life in Eureka, California. By choice, he works at a menial job where he gets paid very little, and barely makes ends meet. One day he comes home after quitting his job during an altercation with his boss to find a strange note taped to his door, instructing him to check his email. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, he checks to find an email waiting for him from the international conglomerate known simply as The Company. The email offers him a chance to secure employment with one of the most employee friendly companies on earth so without delay, he replies to the email and provides The Company with all of his personal information. Within minutes, he is contacted by phone and an interview is setup. As he gets additional information about the company, he is told about all the benefits he will reap once he is employed. One such benefit is so bold and unique that is takes him completely by surprise and because of it, he is eventually introduced to an emotionally odd, yet adorably quirky woman named Anna who is also employed by The Company.
As their friendship progresses, John is forced to look inside himself and reexamine his life as he and Anna’s relationship begins to morph and change into something much more than he expected. Weary of getting close to anyone, John struggles with his past, but ultimately decides to try to open himself up to new things, but little does he know, his new companion is hiding something from him that will rock the foundation of their friendship and send him into a tailspin of emotion.
He also unexpectedly grows closer to the beautiful and intelligent Human Resources manager Emily, his first contact within the company, who appears to have only his best interests at heart. As he begins to trust the bold and confident Emily with more, he finds that she too may not be who she seems. Soon, John finds himself in a minefield of mystery and deceit and over time, he finds he must either deal with the gatekeepers of secrecy or devolve into lunacy as his past continues to haunt his thoughts and his life.
Cover
A Victim’s Revenge
I usually cruise through various blog posts and every now and then I find a story or post so interesting, I just have to keep following not only the story, but the writer as well.
In a nutshell, there is a woman named Wendy Cheng and she has a very successful blog. A man by the name of Peter Coffin had decided to start trashing her without even knowing the girl. Well, after a handful of hateful twitter posts, Wendy (who goes by the name Xiaxue) got sick of it and decided to strike back and show this bully that the kitten he decided to pick on had some pretty vicious claws. Below is a link to a post she did a few days ago addressing the situation and her response…and I must say, internet bullies, you all better start watching your backs.
http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2011/03/peter-coffin-is-loser.html
Be sure to check out the post directly after the one listed above. It shows his response to her reaction, and it’s almost sad how awful it is.
Wendy Cheng (Xiaxue)
Death to The Macho Men
As it’s easy to see, I am a man. While I am not old, and I definitely not a kid anymore. I’ve pushed passed the 30 year mark and I am well on my way to 35 which is fine with me. I have found that while life sometimes throws you curve balls, I am enjoying the gaining of wisdom and the learning I am still doing at this age. I can look back at my teens and 20s and laugh, knowing I am a much wiser man now because of my stupidity. While I know it’s just a fact that a majority of men mature slightly slower than their female counterparts, I find it sad that something I see as so simple to understand is still dogging the minds of my fellow males. I am speaking about this ridiculous “Macho Man” attitude that sadly many of us were taught by our parents at a young age and has somehow morphed into a ravaging jealousy that can, at times, destroy relationships. Just in this past year, I can think of at least two times where I inadvertently caused marital strife simply by saying hello or talking to an old female friend of mine.
As it’s been said before on this blog, I spent a number of years in Austin, Texas, away from my hometown of Corpus Christi. For those who do not know, CC is a smaller city of maybe 300k people and is located along the southern coast of Texas, right on the Gulf of Mexico. We have a high Hispanic population and that might have something to do with the problem I am seeing, at least in this part of the country. When I returned home from Austin back in very late 2009, I was detached from society and I hadn’t spoken to several of my old friends for many years. Deciding to try and reconnect, I started up a Facebook page as many have done, and started looking for my old friends. Many of my old pals quickly found me and it was nice to see how they were doing all these years later. Many of them had of course married, had families, you know the regular stuff people do in their lives which I thought was all good and well. Being that CC is a smaller city, it wasn’t a surprise to me to see several of my friends had married people that I knew from high school or other social gatherings. Some of these spouses I knew and other I was perhaps an acquittance with. What it all came down to was that i felt like I knew these people and they, at least, knew who I was if they didn’t in fact know me personally.
So back to Facebook. I started talking to several old friends and they told me about their lives, showed me pictures of children, the whole 9 yards. So as any friend would do, I kept in touch with them, occasionally sending them messages and they of course would write me back. As many Facebook people know, you can add pictures to your profile and allow you friends to comment on them. Seeing that many people were doing this, I felt it was the nice thing to do and started adding rather benign, generic comments on various pictures such as a child’s birthday party of the pictures of the family vacation, just so they knew I had them in my thoughts. Everyone like to feel that others are thinking about them, right? You would think so, and most of my friends did. They were quite happy that I was taking an active interest in getting reacquainted with them and their new lives. All seemed fine…until that male macho spirit came out.
Example 1: Had a female friend, lets call her “Sara” and she and I are having a good time getting in touch with each other. I tell her that I have a couple of old pictures of her and she asks me to post them so I did. I mean she is my friend so what’s so wrong with posting old pictures that all of my buds can look at and reminisce about. Well, her husband wasn’t too keen on the fact that I owned pictures of his wife; as if he suddenly owned the copyright to ALL pictures of his wife. While I can understand if the pictures were of some sort of sexual nature or something that may have caused embarrassment, these pictures I assure you were just friends hanging out, having a good time, nothing you wouldn’t feel any shame about if your children came across them. As the night wore on, her husband ended up going completely insane with jealousy and threatened to leave her if I didn’t remove the pictures. I was completely dumbfounded by this. Not wanting to cause her any grief, I took the pictures down and offered a reasonable apology, saying that if I had know something as simple as a picture was going to cause problems, I would have never posted it. That wasn’t good enough for me. After I did the right thing and took the pictures down, he still felt the need to slander me and accuse me of strike various women years ago when I was still a teen. I found this atrocious and unbelievable that another man would feel so jealous that his only recourse was to make up stories just so he could feel better about himself. I ignored it and moved on.
Example 2: I have an old friend that I’ve known since middle school. He is a decent fellow, has a good career, married to my old friend who we will call “Della”. They have two children together and I am very happy that they are doing as well as they are. Same situation. I find them both on Facebook and Della is delighted to hear from me because, as I have mentioned, it’s been several years. She and I trade messages and I, of course, add my old friend, her husband, to my FB friends as well. I write him and he get…nothing. I figured he was busy and i give him a few days. Nothing. I write him another message and still no response. I am getting worried so I write his wife to make sure things are ok. Della, who is a strong will woman, tells me that she and her husband, my old childhood friend, had a fight over me. He was jealous that I was saying hello to his wife who, as I mentioned, was a childhood friend as well. In my message, I said the basic friendly stuff. “Great to hear from you, glad you are doing well, how are the children, etc etc”, nothing that any other person might simply ask or bring up in general conversation. Apparently, my old friend was deeply offended by this and proceeded to argue with his wife, repeated from what i heard, and then, as my last example, proceed to slander me, saying I used to cheat on my old girlfriends when I was in high school. Della, who has always been upfront and honest with me, told me all this, stating that was the reason he would not reply to my messages. He, for some reason, viewed me as a threat and therefore decided to try and take it out on his strong willed wife, which was a mistake on his part mind you as she put him in his place. She let me know about what was going on and told me that I should just leave it alone and that she would handle him. I offered to stop message her, but she said that it was his problem and if he didn’t like me talking to her, that was just tough. That message made me feel very good, knowing that my old friend was exactly as i remembered her; stalwart and unafraid because she knew if it came down to it, she could easily take care of herself and didn’t need a man to support her. Still not wanting to cause any problems in their marriage, I eased up on the message writing and simply let it be.
Sadly these are just two examples. I actually have over 7, but that would make this post remarkably long and I do not wish to take up so much time. The main point I wish to understand is why in the world would men, one of them my friend (or at least he used to be), display such jealousy? I simply didn’t understand it. If they took a step back and looked at things, they could see that their women were never in any jeopardy. I mean, they are your wives! They married you and had your children, and you seem to think that me, an old friend, is just suddenly going to swoop in and steal them from you. What kind of confidence are these men lacking that they feel the need to trash me publicly, even going so far as to threaten to leave their wives. What kind of macho crap can possibly cause a man to act so irrationally? I know there are many people who will offer their take on this situation, but once again let me assure you. Not a single comment, message, picture, nothing, was in anyway out of line. I am simply not that type of person and as you can see, when I noticed that my presence was causing problems, i took that as a cue and bowed out gracefully. Even after my exit, I was still catching flack from these men as they still felt the need to try and embarrass me in the very public Facebook realm.
Bottom line…men, I am saying this as a friend. Grow up. This is not high school and you are not impressing anyone with your puffy chested jealousy and you are certainly not helping your own case by arguing with your spouse over something as trivial as a message or a picture. You all may say I would react the same way. Well, I was married for almost 9 years and I can honestly say not one single time did I ever feel threatened by another man. Why you might ask? Because my wife chose to marry me and not them and I had the confidence to know that I could hold onto my wife without issue. Now you may be asking “well, why is she your ex wife then?” Simple. I refused to be the victim of her abuse and I left which is beside the point. Again, bottom line. It’s time for that Macho Man mentality to die and it’s time for you to be husbands who love and support your wives unconditionally, not just when it suits your needs. Have some confidence in yourself. If she ends up cheating on you, at least then you will know that you did all you could to hold on to her so in the end, you can still walk away with your head held high. If she leave you because you are a jealous moron, it’s your own fault.
Rumbling Heart 