So since my date of release is looming, I decided to get together my acknowledgments page and I am trying to think of all the people who have helped me in getting this project off the ground and kept me inspired through its development. Some people are very obvious while others I am still trying to nail down. I am not putting people in it just to appease friends or family. I am looking for those who have offered some sincere insight into what I have been trying to do.
Looking back to the end of October when I just opened up Word and started writing with no real purpose, things have changed a great deal and some people have played a role in the completion of my book. It saddens me to think that there have actually been 2-3 people who have looked down on me not only for writing, but even for going back to school. I kept thinking to myself how awful their lives must be to find nothing better to do that to try and tear someone’s dream down and make them feel as if they will never accomplish anything. Well, I am happy to say to those few people who hated on me…KISS MY ASS.
In less than a month, my dream of putting my work out there for people to read is going to come true, and to be honest, I don’t care if i sell just a measly 10 copies. I will be happy to be read by any and all readers, and if my work can leave even the slightest impact, I will feel as if I have accomplished my goal. It’s not often that people can see a life dream come to fruition, but I am thankful that it will for me. Obviously, any money I make off the project will be welcomed as I am still just a poor college student. I never expected to get rich off of this; all I wanted was to be heard.
Well, as the day draws closer, I am clearing my throat and hoping for the best. That being said, even if the best doesn’t happen, I will never stop writing…I can’t stop writing. My mind will never rest. I have accepted that. It is the reason I cannot sleep. I wake in the middle of the night after maybe an hour’s rest and cannot help but turn on my computer and write until my fingers tingle with pain and fatigue. And the few hours I am able to sleep, the dreams never stop coming. They haunt me and speak to me and the voices carry on like a choir of musing. The inspiration surrounds me from all sides as if i am being pursued by a ghost of ideas as it desperately pleads with me to share it’s ideas with the world.
I will always be that outcast and I will always be different from everyone else, and now I know why. I am who I am and I write what I feel, and the voices in my head will not rest. Ever. My legacy will be intertwined with my creations, and through my work, they and I will live forever.
They are in. Happy to report a 4.0 GPA. I know it’s just one semester, but it was a goal for me…to prove to myself that I could return to school after all these years and still blow things out of the water. There were a lot of people hating on me and trying their hardest to discourage me, but I blew them all off and I am glad I did. Next semester will be slightly more challenging, but there is not reason why I shouldn’t continue with my 4.0 until at least 4th semester. With the knowledge I am should acquire before then, I am sure I will ace those classes as well. If I don’t I am not gonna freak over it. All I want is to make sure I am giving it my all and the rest will fall into place. I knew I was going to ace my English and Intro to Comps finals, but I was worried about C++. I am happy to report I got a 95 on that one and when combined with my 97 average in that class, I was able to squeeze out the high A. Things are definitely different than how they were only a year ago. The future can only get brighter and next year I will assign myself some new goals to not only continue doing well in school, but also to breakout and be my own person again. With confidence running high, there is no telling how good things can get.
Had the English final today. I think I may have freaked out a few of my classmates and maybe my teacher as well. When I write, I tend to get in a zone, either by listening to music or almost talking to myself as a song plays in my head. I knew that although the class had been relatively easy for me up until this point, I really wanted to bring the goods and prove to myself that I could successfully write and edit a paper in less than 30 minutes. After the exam time started, I sat there staring at the ceiling for about 5 minutes, drumming my fingers rhythmically on my legs. I was playing Olivia Lufkins “Lettuce Garden” in my head the entire time and sure enough, about 10 minutes in, it hit me and i started writing non stop for 20 minutes. I got 4 pages down and took 10 minutes to edit and make corrections in spelling grammar, and word organization. I felt like 100 ton train barreling though the exam like it was nothing, popping out sentences left and right and from time to time, i tossed my head back to break my view of the screen so that I may continue my train of thought…so to speak. I rocked my head back and forth and started mouthing the lyrics to the song as I wrote, which inadvertently drew the attention of at least 3 of my classmates and I am sure a strange look from my instructor.
Needless to say, I felt it was one of my best works and I hit my 30 minute marker I had set forth without so much as breaking a sweat. Most of my class mates were struggling to make the 2 page minimum requirement while I managed to blast that wall to pieces rather easily. Thanks goes to my beacon of inspiration, Olivia Lufkin, once again. With a single song I was able to burn that building to the ground and show not only myself , but my peers that I could do it.