Anyone that knows me knows I’ve had my fair share of good and bad relationships. Unfortunately, most of them have been bad and to an extreme degree. I guess you could say that while I can’t call myself an expert on the subject because no one really can, I will say I’ve learned a few things through my failures. There is one thing in particular that I want to focus on though and there is a big reason for it.
I’m not going to name names for obvious reasons, but I was going about my day and noticed a little spat on one of the more popular social networks between a man I knew and his girlfriend. It was made public that he was in the dog house for various reasons. Not wanting to be outdone, the girlfriend felt the need to offer her side of the story in her own way; also on the social network.
Now, I know him a lot better than I know her. Regardless, I refuse to take sides because only the two of them know exactly what’s going on in their relationship. Having been through similar events, I know better than to buy anything that is spilled out onto something like a social network because usually you only get bits and pieces of the story. Still, people who see those things are more than willing to start taking sides and of course, people begin commenting which only escalates the matter, making things worse.
My advice on this matter is plain and simple: whenever you argue with your significant other, keep those arguments between the two of you regardless of what it’s about.
I know sometimes tempers can flare and things that we will later regret can be said, but when you start posting things on places like Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Blogs, etc., you’re only asking for trouble. First off, it’s no one else’s business but yours and your significant others. I know some people may argue that with me, but that is 100% true. I don’t care who you are. The argument that you are having with them has NOTHING to do with your mother, your friends, your cousins, your co-workers. Perhaps it might be about them, but the fact is it ultimately has to be worked out between the two of you.
Spreading your business around to other parties will only create boundaries within a relationship which will eventually grow. Soon, they will become so big, you will not be able to get past them and others who know about the arguments between you and your spouse / boyfriend / girlfriend will begin to judge without even realizing it and it’s not their position to judge.
In a relationship I was previously in, my ex felt the need to tell her family, not just her mother, but her aunts as well, about virtually every argument we ever had. The sad thing about it was she made it out to them that all we ever did was fight which soon made them question why we were even together. There were good times in there. I must admit not as many as I would have liked, but there were some. Sadly though, when the relationship did finally end, according to her family, I was the devil incarnate because all they knew was I was the man who left her after putting her in jail. They never knew my side of the story. To this day they don’t. I learned the same thing on my end. Because of the trauma I suffered at her hands, I revealed some details to my family and now they have this idea that she is this completely evil woman. I don’t believe she’s an evil person at all. She just had some problems that she needed to resolve. In the end, we both knew we weren’t right for each other. Looking back at it all now, we both know that there are times when we need to keep certain things between the two of us. It’s simply no one else’s business and it never should be.
I guess what I am trying to say is think before you speak the next time you feel like venting to a friend or family member about your significant other. It’s ok to be upset with them. When you are with someone, it’s a given that you will eventually get into an argument here and there. I’ve found that the best thing to do is to not EVER cut off the lines of communication. The “Silent Treatment” doesn’t work. Trust me. I made that mistake. I was an idiot for trying it. It’s dumb and childish and it’s one of my biggest regrets. If you find yourself upset with your spouse, talk to them. If your spouse if upset with you, put the damn TV remote down and listen to them. Talking to them for 15 minutes is more important than a stupid football game. Sometimes just letting them vent to you can solve an argument. Sometimes they just want to feel that you are still on their side. Remember, you are supposed to be that one person that they can turn to for anything in the world. The moment they feel they can no longer talk to you is the beginning of the end, but take heart in knowing that it’s not too late.
I often think about how I would redo some of my failed relationships. There is one in particular. I guess you could say she was the one that got away. I know we shouldn’t regret certain things, but I regret losing her. I can make excuses for myself by saying I was young, I was only 19, etc., but that won’t make things better. Looking back, I know why I lost her. She accepted me for who I was and didn’t ask me to change a single thing about myself. My problem was I was so caught up in what other people thought and I was too busy talking to others that I neglected her feelings. Still, she stuck by me as long as she could till one day she couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t blame her. I really don’t. That girl is married now, living a good life and I’m happy for her. Still, that doesn’t take away my regret.
The next time you argue with your man or woman, look at them and think about what you are about to say or do, even if for just 2 seconds. Think about how they are going to react to your words and actions because although you may not think much about it, your very next words can and will stay with them for years after. Believe me. I still remember the last conversation I had with that girl and I will probably remember it the rest of my life. Remember, if you truly love them, you accept them for who they are. You love them for everything that they are. You love their light and you love their dark. As I’ve said before, you will argue. There is no way around it. There are certain things that should stay between the two of you. Just make sure when you look at them and you feel that anger, make sure you see everything. Remember why you are with them and remember and hope that they are thinking and feeling the same thing, and that they are still there with you not because they have to be, but because they want to be.
Here’s a link to a post from my other blog. Enjoy.
Here is the synopsis I wrote up on Recorded Butterflies. It’s not perfect, but when your book has this many big secrets, you really have to be selective with what you write and how you write it. I hope it sparks some interest. The link to the Facebook event is here.
In this follow up to his first book Rumbling Heart, Richard Allen continues the story of John as he moves forward with his life after dealing with the demons of his past head on.
It is October 2012 and John Allen has just gotten back into Eureka, California after spending several months on the road. Looking forward to meeting back up with his best friend Emily, he realizes that she is purposely refusing his phone calls and text messages. He finds her sudden absence from his life disturbing and feels as if she is phasing him out of hers. While his ideas as to why she’s suddenly disappeared continue to swim around in his head, she quite suddenly is thrust back into his world, and he eventually finds out the reasons behind her withdrawal. As Emily finally opens up to him and lets him in on all that has happened, he finds the truth about her hard to swallow, but then takes a step back and realizes just how hard life must have been for her since he left her side.
All the while, John is still managing his relationship with his new found love interest shortly after getting back into town after his time on the road with her. After some very serious consideration, he finds himself contemplating something that he felt he would never do again in his life. Finally realizing just how strongly he feels for her, they explore the reasons why they would want to permanently tie their lives together, and the two of them begin a journey that promises to change their lives forever.
Life seems good, and John feels that there is no way it could be any sweeter. While helping Emily deal with a major issue that shakes her to her very core, he still feels that life, as a whole, is looking up and that nothing could possibly bring him down. Little does he knows that just a few short months later, his world would be throw into chaos by something so devastating that it would quite possibly send his life into a tailspin, and that he could soon see himself heading back into that downward spiral he found himself in just a few short years before.
Filled with secrets, intrigue, love, heartache, and moments so sweet they would make most men blush, Recorded Butterflies explores John and his dreams, and offers insight into his mind like never before. It will even ask you to take a different look at him and his friendship with the beautiful and confident Emily as he finds himself looking at her like he never has before. After a few significant twists and turns, you are treated to an ending so explosive, you may want to have your heart medication close by, and you will find yourself begging for the next installment in the series.
It’s finished. A few slight oversights aside, it is ready for Amazon and BN.com. I kept getting feedback that my first book was quite long. Anyone who got through that work and felt that way will appreciate the fact that this one comes in at a whopping 278 pages so its much shorter. I would still recommend reading the first book though as this one picks up where the other left off. With the first book, I had to lay a lot of groundwork and with this one, all I had to do was simply touch on some of it as a sort of reminder. As a stand alone book, this one still has some good chops, but I think to really get into the characters, it will benefit most people to give Rumbling Heart a read as well.
All I really have left to do is type up a Synopsis and upload the work and it’s all done. I hope this book satisfies my loyal followers as it focuses on the same characters as the first book and continues to explore their lives. There are at least 2 major twists in this work. They are so big that they are pretty hard to miss…in fact, they may club you in the face. Be sure to check out the Facebook event as I will be giving away at least 2 copies of RB to those attending. Great thing about the event…you don’t even have to go anywhere or be somewhere at a specific time. All you have to do is click attend. Your support is greatly appreciated.
My latest release Rumbling Heart is currently available on both Amazon and barnesandnoble.com so be sure to check it out. Both sites offer free samples so you can essentially try it before you buy it.
Currently in progress is the follow up to RH which I have titled Recorded Butterflies and once a release date has been set I will let everyone know. This next work is moving along nicely and I hope to have the final draft ready for formatting by no later than the end of this month. It will be a shorter work so that time needed to prepare it will be significantly shorter.
Thank you for your continued support and I hope that my work is at the very least entertaining.
Here is the synopsis I came up with for my book. This is what will appear on both the Amazon and Barns and Noble listing. As soon as the purchase links are available, I will post them. Some of you may already notice the updated links to the blog. While I am getting things set, the book is not yet available, but will be in the next day or so. Enjoy.
Rumbling Heart Synopsis
After escaping the clutches of his abusive ex-wife, John finds himself living a rather dreary and reclusive life in Eureka, California. By choice, he works at a menial job where he gets paid very little, and barely makes ends meet. One day he comes home after quitting his job during an altercation with his boss to find a strange note taped to his door, instructing him to check his email. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, he checks to find an email waiting for him from the international conglomerate known simply as The Company. The email offers him a chance to secure employment with one of the most employee friendly companies on earth so without delay, he replies to the email and provides The Company with all of his personal information. Within minutes, he is contacted by phone and an interview is setup. As he gets additional information about the company, he is told about all the benefits he will reap once he is employed. One such benefit is so bold and unique that is takes him completely by surprise and because of it, he is eventually introduced to an emotionally odd, yet adorably quirky woman named Anna who is also employed by The Company.
As their friendship progresses, John is forced to look inside himself and reexamine his life as he and Anna’s relationship begins to morph and change into something much more than he expected. Weary of getting close to anyone, John struggles with his past, but ultimately decides to try to open himself up to new things, but little does he know, his new companion is hiding something from him that will rock the foundation of their friendship and send him into a tailspin of emotion.
He also unexpectedly grows closer to the beautiful and intelligent Human Resources manager Emily, his first contact within the company, who appears to have only his best interests at heart. As he begins to trust the bold and confident Emily with more, he finds that she too may not be who she seems. Soon, John finds himself in a minefield of mystery and deceit and over time, he finds he must either deal with the gatekeepers of secrecy or devolve into lunacy as his past continues to haunt his thoughts and his life.
I watch the breakers as they approach the shore,
Their frothy texture bubbling up
The distance exposes the horizon
My hand in his, and I feel home again.
Exceeding vistas caress my view
We go walking between the trees
The cherry blossoms, aiding my demeanor
Stroll along and smile, beside me, he breathes
The bustling rush and the crowded streets
Remind me of things I’ve grow tired of
While my work keeps me traveling, on the go
I long for serenity, a peaceful scene
Still I find myself missing this place
I’ve moved on to another
Quiet nights, and I watch him sleep
I touch his hand, and thank him for coming
Cherry blossoms trickle down from the sky, and the grass is soft, lush, like a bed of down on a cool, spring day. I look skyward and speculate on the clouds before me, wondering what each one looks like. Trains and trollies, and teddy bears consume my being; the light, northern breeze kisses my exposed skin. My knees are pointed up and I feel as if I am being watched, in fact I know I am for I can see her out of the corner of my eye. She stares at me and wishes her wish of carefree days and endless nights, the pattern of bittersweet days having taken their toll. Her red hair sways out across her rosy lips as the wind plucks her lavish locks out from under her hand which attempts to hold their listless flight at bay. Her heart beats and rumbles, and her blue eyes glisten with sweet delight as she steps closer to me. Finally, I turn to her and our eyes meet, and startled shivers exert their force upon her shadowed visage. Her eyes show her grief and we both know I cannot stay here like this, relaxing in her silhouette for long. Four days and six hours have passed, and every waking moment we have spent together, and every moment in slumber she has been in my arms. I’ve read her mind, her thoughts melancholic, and I know her heart for she has told me of her incorrigible desire to keep me with her. We hold each other’s gaze as we listen to sounds of children at play, our unborn child still just a dream.
The breeze picks up and she sits down beside me to show me her cruel and lovely intentions. Her theft, of such brilliant and tireless devotion, was only the beginning of our unforeseen affinity, and the loss of such a strong defense was not bitter, but a welcome circumstance. Her company was not granted, but more a luxury, a state of which much due diligence had been paid. As I turn my eyes back toward the heavens, she joins me for the critical view, and I take a breath that precludes all fallacy of reason.
Knowing when to stop talking is just as valuable as knowing when to talk about something. Some people do not understand this concept and continue talking to till the subject is so raw and bloody that they do not realize they have cause more harm than good. I am a strong proponent of “You cannot force someone to talk to you.” In fact, I think i can safety take credit for coining that phrase.
Forcing someone to talk to you is a lot like waterboarding; torture. If you constantly push someone and verbally accost them, they will eventually tell you anything and everything to get you to shut up and leave them alone. Sadly, this is a disservice to both parties. First, the accosted feels like a victim, and their credibility is now tarnished because they are essentially forced to lied to reclaim some sense of normalcy. Second, the person doing the accosting gets bad information, however it may be the information they wanted all along so it also leaves them with a false sense of justification which may lead them to believe that what they did was right. Well, it’s not right.
There is a reason why most people believe that torture isn’t worth the time and money. As previously stated, the chances of getting bad information are highly increased, and you also look like a jackass by forcing people to do what you want until they simply cannot take it anymore. Any information gathered through this process might as well be hearsay as the dependability is now always to be questioned. This also works against the accosted. Now, the torturer will become even more angry when they learn the information the accosted gave was false which leads them right back into the same method which gave them the bad information to begin with. After a time, more information will be gathered, most likely bad, and then they 2nd party will once again think they have succeed. It’s a vicious cycle.
Don’t do it. It’s like an accusing girlfriend prodding her boyfriend, and trying to get him to admit he is cheating when he isn’t. He may begin to feel that if he is being accused of infidelity, he might as well go out and do it. I went through the same thing for years; being accused of this and that. After a period of time I didn’t go out and cheat. I simply left and never looked back. If you want to drive someone away, by all means badger them with the same questions 5 or 6 different ways. You cannot make people talk to you so my advice is be more creative with your conversation. Be human. Think to yourself would you eventually freak out if someone kept poking you with a spoon for 7 years? Yes, it sounds funny, but eventually you will feel the urge to grab that spoon and gut them with it.
Picked up a John Keats book. Unfortunately, they were out of his poetry books so I went with Bright Star. It includes letters that he sent to Fanny Brawne during their over 2 year love affair. For those of you unfamiliar with Keats, he unfortunately died of tuberculosis age the age of 25. Before he died, he gave Fanny a ring that belong to his mother and she ended up wearing it the rest of her life. She was 18 and he was 23 when they met and like a truly devoted person, she mourned him after he died for over 6 years. She did eventually marry at 33 years of age and had three children, but she never took off the ring. Ever.
His letters were meant for her eyes only, but they obviously still ended up being published 15 years after her death. While at the time, some of the letters were viewed as obscene, the feelings he exhibited via his writings still show truth and promise, and utter devotion even today. There was a movie made of their romance which has a lot of his writing in it as well.