Here is a quick list of 100 things I’ve learned about Japan from Anime. (obviously satirical)
1. There is always some spineless guy who ends up with 5-7 girls all pining after him.
2. Making someone a bento is one of the greatest things in the world (I would agree with this).
3. The older a girl gets, the larger her breasts.
4. Excitable girls always tackle some hapless guy and land on their faces, crotch first.
5. Boys often get random nosebleeds throughout the day and no one notices.
6. All Americans that live in Japan are narcissistic a**holes. (Come on, I’m American and I can laugh at it)
7. 16 year old guys in high school always have a long lost childhood friend that they forget about.
8. Girls will almost always kick a guys’ butt.
9. When women fight, they always rip each others clothes off, but what’s left always manages to cover up their privates.
10. Cherry blossoms.
11. Never let your guard down or some pervert with a camera will start taking your picture.
12. Every girl except the very nerdy bookworm with glasses can do the high jump.
13. At least once a year you end up at the beach with one male friend and 5-7 female friends wearing amazing bathing suits…except for that one girl who wears her school swimsuit.
14. Someone always manages to win tickets to a hot springs spa.
15. And the theme park.
16. For some reason, women feel the need to take the spineless guy with them to buy lingerie where each of them asks his opinion of their chosen outfits.
17. Don’t worry about bringing your lunch. 7 girls will always share their lunch with you, even feeding it to you.
18. Fireworks on the beach.
19. Girls in Kimono’s are amazingly beautiful.
20. The only people who attend anime release parties are middle aged guys all wearing headbands.
21. The guy will always choose the absolute worst thing to do when the best girl confesses to him.
22. Harihu Suzumiya is God. Get the f*** over it.
23. Every hot girl you know will eventually end up sleeping next to you.
24. It snows every year on Christmas.
25. No one’s parents are ever home.
26. They guy we end up listening to always sits by the window, 1 seat from the last.
27. Lusting after a flat chested, 16 year old girl is completely acceptable as long as you make fun of her first.
28. Every girl you know just happens to have different colored hair making it remarkably easy to tell them apart.
29. Oh, that damn blonde guy.
30. If your parent’s aren’t home, they’re dead and you and your younger sister have been living on your own since you were 10 because, you know, that’s totally acceptable.
31. Mysterious transfer student.
32. You best friend is guaranteed to be a pervert. It’s going to happen so don’t fight it.
33. The smartest person in class is also the most stuck up. Jerk.
34. Certain students get special treatment like being allowed to read in the library while the rest of us have to sweat it out in class.
35. Everyone takes home economics.
36. All the protagonists suck in sports, except Yamato from Suzuka because he’s the man.
37. Everyone loves eggs!
38. I’m heading off to the all you can eat cake shop. Who’s with me?
39. Frequently visiting adult themed tea houses isn’t creepy at all.
40. Karaoke or you’re out of the club!
41. The cultural festival basically means you get 5 days to screw around at school while possibly scoring with a hot girl. Why is this not in America?
42. Discount Ken Watanabe.
43. Oh, you love me and you sacrificed your life for me? That’s sweet…but I still don’t choose you.
44. Every time you end up at a public bath you somehow end up in the girls side and no one calls the police.
45. Public baths?
46. You can destroy buildings, murder people, set off explosions, and no one ever dies.
47. Every vampire is hot and for some reason, still in high school.
48. You made me a bento without making the sausage look like a little octopus? A**hole!
49. All you have to do is say you feel sick and you’re allowed to sleep in the nurse’s office all day.
50. Sinking every ship in your anime is completely acceptable. In fact, author’s love your tears (Oreimo).
51. Visiting that hill just outside the city somehow solves all your problems.
52. Every part time job you get as a high schooler is embarrassing yet that one guy you like always manages to walk in when you least expect it.
53. Why does that mother not slap her kid for lifting up my skirt!
55. Almost everyone still uses flip phones. Apparently, Samsung and Apple haven’t made it to Japan yet.
56. Only perverts buy figurines of their favorite anime characters.
57. Dating sims are amazing!
58. It’s not Sony, it’s Suny.
59. The girl with the long, white hair who barely speaks is the most awesome girl ever…until she literally rips out your heart.
60. There are no stupid girls, just stupid guys.
61. Even now we will cheer for Taiga and if you don’t, she’ll kick your a**.
62. If a girl shares her bento with you, the entire class will scowl at you the entire time.
64. Girls with their long hair in ponytails are amazingly cute.
65. Every student is forced to take an English course, but they all suck at it.
66. This is what every girl in Japan looks like.
67. Screw the rules, I have money!
68. Reading adult themed manga on the train is completely acceptable.
69. Everyone visits Okinawa at least once.
70. Bon festivals are awesome!
71. Marrying your cousin is not considered weird.
72. B*TCH FLAKES! Eat up, Baka!
73. Hercules beetles are fairly common and girls don’t freak out at all when one flies into their hair.
74. If you’re a lonely guy, don’t worry. By tomorrow some girl you’ve not seen since childhood and whom you don’t remember will crotch tackle you the next morning.
75. Loli’s are not lollipops.
76. She hates you and tries to murder you? Now she is making out with you? Makes perfect sense.
77. Always go to the roof to confess to someone because…well, just because.
78. Most girls do not have lips until they are wearing lipstick. That’s weird!
79. Putting your head on a girl’s lap is the most erotic thing in the world.
80. Sure, let’s head off to the beach for several days and solve a mystery because f*ck school.
81. If you’re an alien sharing your body with a 16 year old boy, it’s perfectly fine to destroy half the city because no one will care.
82. Every girl I know has a secret life as a teen model.
83. All adult males are ridiculously huge while their teenage counterparts are all small and wimpy.
84. So that’s what the red string means.
85. It’s perfectly acceptable for your 15 year old sister to take a bath with you unless the girl you like just happens to walk into your house, unannounced and feels the need to see if you’re in the bathroom not by knocking, but by just walking in.
86. Photography clubs.
87. Kendo looks fun! I should try that!
88. Every girl you like wants to kill you for absolutely no reason.
89. We’re locked in the equipment closet again? Why does this keep happening to me and some random hot girl?
90. There is no such thing as sex. The stork brings the babies.
91. Schools in Japan don’t have air conditioning.
92. Card games on motorcycles.
93. It takes 4 episodes for someone to power up and the fight lasts all of 68 seconds.
94. All teenage males are perverts.
95. All female teachers have massive breasts.
96. All male teachers are middle aged with glasses.
97. The characters from Cowboy Bebop are not from Texas.
98. The police are the most clueless people in the world and always arrive after a seven hour fight just finishes and there is no one to arrest.
99. Everyone hates Kirino.
100. The younger you are the biggers your eyes get.
100 “sins.” Sentence: (drumroll) (Credit to Cinema Sins for the Ding idea)
Marriage to MIKURU ASAHINA!
You know what the greatest holiday gift for me is? No, it’s not the super special awesome wool cap I asked for or the gift cards i got. Sure, spending time with my family was great and while I do appreciate that, I have to be a little self centered here and say that coming up with the perfect climatic ending for my book is the best thing. I woke up today and it was all just there, as if i dreamed it all the night before. I was up at about 5am on my own, and not because it was Christmas because honestly, I don’t really care too much for the holiday anymore. Yet on this day, I figured out the ending to my work and I couldn’t be happier. It’s so simple yet so perfect that I don’t even have to outline it to remember. It’s engraved in my heart and mind, so much so that you’d have thought I lived it. I have only one other person to thank for this literary bounty. Have a good holiday and be safe.