I was thinking I would release my next refinished work Recorded Butterflies Some time in the early fall. I am rethinking that decision.
I’ve been doing a lot of writing on two separate projects. When I feel exhausted by one I switch to the other. This is going against my regular pattern of sticking with one project till I finish it. I’ve found that the worlds I’ve built in my books are really all the same one. With that thought in mind, I decided to have my new work based in the same world as my current one, but with a whole new cast of characters. I will still finish up the Rumbling Heart series, but the next work after that will have new people, new ideas, and will probably a little more extreme in many regards.
While RH has it’s lighter moments, there isn’t a large amount of comedy in it. The piece I am working on with all new characters is called In Search of the Dream Catcher and it will have more comical or lighthearted bits within it. That being said, I have also decided to make it, at times, much darker than my previous works. There will be a fair amount of grit included in it and I hope it will get people at the very least thinking about certain points and topics. While it’s not a preacher’s piece, it will ask readers to look into uncomfortable situations and have them think about the way the world is. In some ways, it will also consist of material that is even more personal that my past works.
People purposely avoid things that make them uncomfortable. Sometimes they will avoid them even if it means neglecting a friend or a family member. Many of us want to believe that when the chips are down and a friend of ours is hurting, that we will be there to help them. Sure, we all want to think we are the better person. Dream Catcher will drop the situation in your lap and get you questioning your devotion to those ideals.
With all this new information, I am also announcing that with my next release, I will release not one book, but possibly as many as 4 all at one time. Why you might ask?
People don’t like cliffhangers.
I’ve discovered while writing that often times you are forced to end a story at a critical juncture. While it can add to the dramatics of the story, it can also serious annoy your readers. I know, back when I used to watch television, I hated when a series finale was ended with a cliffhanger. It would make me feel ripped off and now suddenly I am being asked to wait all summer till the fall premiere to find out what happens. Don’ you hate that? It’s even worse for something like a movie or a book. In some cases, you have to wait years to find out how it all ends up.
Rumbling Heart, I feel, is a good enough story with a satisfactory ending…and I could have left it right there and I think people would have been alright with it. But no. I had more to write so the story continues and when I am finally done telling it, I don’t want to leave my readers out in the cold. It is my wish to release Recorded Butterflies, Emily Martin, and A Little Pain all at once so if people want, they can read the entire saga one right after the other without having to wait months or years to find out how it all ends. I am forced to break them up into separate books. Otherwise, the story would be about 1600 pages long…and that’s a REALLY big book.
Dream Catcher, as I mentioned, will be in the same world, but with different characters. I am not ruling out bringing back some of my older characters. But I’d like to be able to set them aside so that they don’t overstay their welcome. I think of it as sort of like a television series that’s jumped the shark. You and the rest of the audience knows that it should have ended way back in season 4, yet here it is in season 8 and the characters are turning into shells of what they once were. I never want my characters to end up like that. Can they come by for a little visit? Sure! But once ALP is released, that will be pretty much it for those characters. Could I revisit them in say 10 years? Maybe. We’ll just have to wait and see how that plays out. Until then, I am working like mad to finish up these two final works. Release date? I’d like it no later than December, but sometimes it takes a long time to figure out the best way to make things right.
Another night and the physical pain persists. Today I go to “check in” with my therapist. Haven’t been to see him in about 6 weeks. He doesn’t know I went off my meds. I don’t know if I want to tell him. I don’t want to disappoint him. I also don’t want to lose Olivia. Taking my meds will take her from me again and it makes it harder to manage. I am thinking about asking him if he can’t recommend someone who specializes in treating victims of violent crimes. I think that might be something good to look into. I don’t know if there is a certain kind of treatment for people like me but it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Joanne asked me to come up with a different fruit to call her because she doesn’t like bananas. I am trying raspberry to see how she likes it.
“Dream Catcher” is going in a very dark direction. In a lot of ways, it’s much more personal than RH was. I could never write this story on drugs so I really hope they don’t pressure me to take them.
Still, I’ve found that much more often I feel her speaking through me. I usually don’t mind, but I just don’t want it to get to the point where it’s an everyday thing. She can get quite frustrated at times and she cusses when she does. She’s not mean or hurtful to me. She just sometimes feels she has no other way to express her feelings. I understand though. Life the last few weeks has been very stressful for me and that’s when I feel her getting angry. She only wants to protect me and she hates it when people try to take advantage of me.
She was upset when my neurologist blew me off. Understandable. All those visits and all that time and I didn’t even get a diagnosis. He says he can’t help me. I guess I am just screwed then. It makes her angry when things like that happen. She says things like this are what make people go out and buy heroin…because their doctors refuse to help them. Either that or they kill themselves.
Invega (Pros) – Virtually no voices at 6mg a day dosage. Virtually no hallucinations (again, 6mg dosage) Felt very calm at times.
(Cons) – Always hungry, significant weight gain, inability to feel any emotion, lack of reasoning, lack of creativity, somewhat significant tremors and spasms (curtailed by Diphenhydramine), inability to concentrate.
Latuda (Pros) – Virtually no voices at 40mg a day dosage, minimal hallucinations (same 40mg dose), small weight loss (didn’t feel nearly as hungry as on Invega), Felt somewhat calm.
(Cons) – lack of motivation and creativity, inability to feel emotion, lack of reasoning, some tremors and spasms, inability to concentrate.
Essentially, if i were to just sit at home and watch game shows all day, I’d be fine, but who the hell wants that kind of life? I’m a writer so to no be able to write might as well have been a death sentence for me. I wasn’t able to write anything at all while on either of these drugs. Because of my condition and the way the voice I hear in my head had developed within me, I had to relearn how to read. I also had to relearn a few other small things like tying my shoes and washing myself properly. You never realize how dependent you can become to those voices. When I didn’t have them there to guide me, I often felt lost and unsure of what to do. I’d become confused easily and I wasn’t able to do normal everyday things that most people wouldn’t think twice about. (Example: putting up dishes, sorting laundry, turning on the computer)
I’ve since stopped both drugs. Obviously, my doctors would not be happy about this, but life was becoming unbearable while on either of them. I stopped cold turkey and the 5-7 days after discontinuing them was an adventure. I was alright though. I just stayed in my room and kept myself occupied with various things. Yes, the voices and hallucinations did come back, but I am, in a way, making peace with them. The voice has never told me to do anything really insane like kill or harm people. In fact, she often times reminds me to have a bit more concerned for others and their feelings. She’s back to doing what she used to before the drugs. She helps me write and often times calms me down when I start to have panic attacks. I wish I could say she calms me every time, but that’s pretty hard to do. I do still have and use Klonopin when I really need it. It doesn’t take the melancholy away, but it puts me down so that I don’t completely lose it.
I am not saying that if your doctor gives you these drugs that you shouldn’t take them. In fact, I would encourage people in a similar situation to my own to at the very least give them a try. I was on them for several months which is why I feel I can offer some insight to how they work and what they can do for you. Obviously, if a person is prone to violent outbreaks because of their schizophrenia, then I would insist that they continue on either of these drugs if prescribed to them. Thinking back, I should have let my psychiatrist know that I wanted to go off the drugs. I’m sure he would have told me no, but if I don’t want to take them he can’t force them down my throat.
If you are on these drugs and looking to go off, I would still tell your doctor, psychiatrist about it first. I got lucky that I didn’t smash my face through a window. Others may not be so lucky. Just remember that you control your care and not your doctor. They may disagree with some of your decisions, but hopefully you two can reach something together that still addresses your needs as a patient. Me, I couldn’t live while on those drugs. If all i wanted out of life was to get older while watching tv and eating junk food…then sure! It would have worked out beautifully. Life is not worth living unless I am creating something and if that means I have to figure out a way to control my moods while on minimal drugs, then so be it.
Ruby M Jones finally has her blog up. You can check it out here.
Just a word though. Her site is for mature audiences ONLY. No one under 18 should visit or be on the site. Consider it like an HBO comedy hour! Give her a look, she may make you laugh!
I gotta say the best thing that NBC did was to offer the super bowl free via streaming on NBC.com. I’ve been checking it out and the quality is pretty damn good. They also have something called the Twitter war which is a little fun and the Giants have been winning it for the most part. Again, if for some reason you are somewhere without a TV, go to NBC.com and the link is very visable, you can’t miss it.
To NBC, good call on doing this for those of us that don’t watch Television.
First time through a proofer and not nearly as many issues as I thought there would be. Still, the story overall is slightly shorter than I wanted it to be. Through my final revision and one more go through an editor I will hopefull add about 5k-9k more words. I have an entire arch I can add so that will help. its small so I can plug it in almost anywhere. The book will be available on both Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
All this is moving along well, but I still need to secure a cover for this work. I am sticking with the black and white theme I used on the first book, but I am torn on what image to use. I can use a butterfly, but I don’t want it to be taken too literal. I am also looking for a few concert images that are public domain. If you happen to know of a few images available for free use, please let me know. As of right now, these are the two images I am looking at. The butterfly I can go with as its a PD image. The other I cannot because I do not hold the rights to it. The second one however is more along the lines of what I am looking for.