Writing a Dream

Author Archive

Nicole Arbour and How She Won

Nicole Arbour.

Yeah, the woman who did the Dear Fat People video. Youtube removed it and people rejoiced. I think I am the only one not rejoicing. Sure, the things she said offended a lot of people. I get that. What I don’t think other people get is that by removing her video, Youtube essentially condoned censorship.

Yes, they really did.

I have seen some really nasty things on Youtube – very nasty things that I would not want any of my nephews or nieces watching. Yet, a fat shaming video is taken down. I am not agreeing with what Nicole said – not one bit. However, I still respect her right to say it.

Yes, I know Youtube has the final say in what videos stay and which ones go. It’s their business so it’s their decision. Still, we have to remember that good or bad, we still have the right to express our opinions. The past couple of decades we have been slowly censoring ourselves so we don’t offend anyone, yet people are still offended at almost anything they don’t agree with.

That is the world we live in.

You will meet people you don’t like and you will hear things said that will make you cringe. Instead of being offended by everything being said or done, we need to learn to turn the other cheek and simply walk away from the people that cause of grief. It is not our job to police everyone else and make then into who we want them to be. It is, however, our job to take care of ourselves. Sometimes the best way to do that is to pay the people who offend us no mind and just move on.

Some battles are worth fighting…like the war against ISIS and making sure children have enough to eat. We need to pick our battles much more carefully. I think the best thing we could have done when it comes to Nicole was to just look the other way and not react. The reaction she got was exactly what she wanted. Many people think they won this battle against her, but you didn’t. Her goal was to make you uncomfortable and angry and she did just that.

Yes, I know she recently lost a job on a movie over the video. But there will be plenty of other people out there that don’t care about the video, and they will hire her.

All the talk has won her a ton of attention. And, as they say, any publicity is good publicity. Be it from good things or bad, now millions more know who she is.

She won and we condoned censorship. Seems like the “good guys” lost this one and they haven’t even realized it.

Photo via Youtube

Photo via Youtube


Rumbling Heart – New Cover Art

I got into the mood to work so here is a decent Photoshop job I did on a new cover for the book. The guitar was black, but I needed it to be red. Now to work on the font!

Close-up of girl with guitar


100 Things I Learned About Japan from Anime

Here is a quick list of 100 things I’ve learned about Japan from Anime. (obviously satirical)

1. There is always some spineless guy who ends up with 5-7 girls all pining after him.
2. Making someone a bento is one of the greatest things in the world (I would agree with this).
3. The older a girl gets, the larger her breasts.
4. Excitable girls always tackle some hapless guy and land on their faces, crotch first.
5. Boys often get random nosebleeds throughout the day and no one notices.
6. All Americans that live in Japan are narcissistic a**holes. (Come on, I’m American and I can laugh at it)
7. 16 year old guys in high school always have a long lost childhood friend that they forget about.
8. Girls will almost always kick a guys’ butt.
9. When women fight, they always rip each others clothes off, but what’s left always manages to cover up their privates.
10. Cherry blossoms.
11. Never let your guard down or some pervert with a camera will start taking your picture.
12. Every girl except the very nerdy bookworm with glasses can do the high jump.
13. At least once a year you end up at the beach with one male friend and 5-7 female friends wearing amazing bathing suits…except for that one girl who wears her school swimsuit.
14. Someone always manages to win tickets to a hot springs spa.
15. And the theme park.
16. For some reason, women feel the need to take the spineless guy with them to buy lingerie where each of them asks his opinion of their chosen outfits.
17. Don’t worry about bringing your lunch. 7 girls will always share their lunch with you, even feeding it to you.
18. Fireworks on the beach.
19. Girls in Kimono’s are amazingly beautiful.
20. The only people who attend anime release parties are middle aged guys all wearing headbands.
21. The guy will always choose the absolute worst thing to do when the best girl confesses to him.
22. Harihu Suzumiya is God. Get the f*** over it.
23. Every hot girl you know will eventually end up sleeping next to you.
24. It snows every year on Christmas.
25. No one’s parents are ever home.
26. They guy we end up listening to always sits by the window, 1 seat from the last.
27. Lusting after a flat chested, 16 year old girl is completely acceptable as long as you make fun of her first.
28. Every girl you know just happens to have different colored hair making it remarkably easy to tell them apart.
29. Oh, that damn blonde guy.
30. If your parent’s aren’t home, they’re dead and you and your younger sister have been living on your own since you were 10 because, you know, that’s totally acceptable.
31. Mysterious transfer student.
32. You best friend is guaranteed to be a pervert. It’s going to happen so don’t fight it.
33. The smartest person in class is also the most stuck up. Jerk.
34. Certain students get special treatment like being allowed to read in the library while the rest of us have to sweat it out in class.
35. Everyone takes home economics.
36. All the protagonists suck in sports, except Yamato from Suzuka because he’s the man.
37. Everyone loves eggs!
38. I’m heading off to the all you can eat cake shop. Who’s with me?
39. Frequently visiting adult themed tea houses isn’t creepy at all.
40. Karaoke or you’re out of the club!
41. The cultural festival basically means you get 5 days to screw around at school while possibly scoring with a hot girl. Why is this not in America?
42. Discount Ken Watanabe.
43. Oh, you love me and you sacrificed your life for me? That’s sweet…but I still don’t choose you.
44. Every time you end up at a public bath you somehow end up in the girls side and no one calls the police.
45. Public baths?
46. You can destroy buildings, murder people, set off explosions, and no one ever dies.
47. Every vampire is hot and for some reason, still in high school.
48. You made me a bento without making the sausage look like a little octopus? A**hole!
49. All you have to do is say you feel sick and you’re allowed to sleep in the nurse’s office all day.
50. Sinking every ship in your anime is completely acceptable. In fact, author’s love your tears (Oreimo).
51. Visiting that hill just outside the city somehow solves all your problems.
52. Every part time job you get as a high schooler is embarrassing yet that one guy you like always manages to walk in when you least expect it.
53. Why does that mother not slap her kid for lifting up my skirt!
54. Pocky.
55. Almost everyone still uses flip phones. Apparently, Samsung and Apple haven’t made it to Japan yet.
56. Only perverts buy figurines of their favorite anime characters.
57. Dating sims are amazing!
58. It’s not Sony, it’s Suny.
59. The girl with the long, white hair who barely speaks is the most awesome girl ever…until she literally rips out your heart.
60. There are no stupid girls, just stupid guys.
61. Even now we will cheer for Taiga and if you don’t, she’ll kick your a**.
62. If a girl shares her bento with you, the entire class will scowl at you the entire time.
63. Robots.
64. Girls with their long hair in ponytails are amazingly cute.
65. Every student is forced to take an English course, but they all suck at it.
66. This is what every girl in Japan looks like.

67. Screw the rules, I have money!
68. Reading adult themed manga on the train is completely acceptable.
69. Everyone visits Okinawa at least once.
70. Bon festivals are awesome!
71. Marrying your cousin is not considered weird.
72. B*TCH FLAKES! Eat up, Baka!
73. Hercules beetles are fairly common and girls don’t freak out at all when one flies into their hair.
74. If you’re a lonely guy, don’t worry. By tomorrow some girl you’ve not seen since childhood and whom you don’t remember will crotch tackle you the next morning.
75. Loli’s are not lollipops.
76. She hates you and tries to murder you? Now she is making out with you? Makes perfect sense.
77. Always go to the roof to confess to someone because…well, just because.
78. Most girls do not have lips until they are wearing lipstick. That’s weird!
79. Putting your head on a girl’s lap is the most erotic thing in the world.
80. Sure, let’s head off to the beach for several days and solve a mystery because f*ck school.
81. If you’re an alien sharing your body with a 16 year old boy, it’s perfectly fine to destroy half the city because no one will care.
82. Every girl I know has a secret life as a teen model.
83. All adult males are ridiculously huge while their teenage counterparts are all small and wimpy.
84. So that’s what the red string means.
85. It’s perfectly acceptable for your 15 year old sister to take a bath with you unless the girl you like just happens to walk into your house, unannounced and feels the need to see if you’re in the bathroom not by knocking, but by just walking in.
86. Photography clubs.
87. Kendo looks fun! I should try that!
88. Every girl you like wants to kill you for absolutely no reason.
89. We’re locked in the equipment closet again? Why does this keep happening to me and some random hot girl?
90. There is no such thing as sex. The stork brings the babies.
91. Schools in Japan don’t have air conditioning.
92. Card games on motorcycles.
93. It takes 4 episodes for someone to power up and the fight lasts all of 68 seconds.
94. All teenage males are perverts.
95. All female teachers have massive breasts.
96. All male teachers are middle aged with glasses.
97. The characters from Cowboy Bebop are not from Texas.
98. The police are the most clueless people in the world and always arrive after a seven hour fight just finishes and there is no one to arrest.
99. Everyone hates Kirino.
100. The younger you are the biggers your eyes get.

100 “sins.” Sentence: (drumroll) (Credit to Cinema Sins for the Ding idea)

Marriage to MIKURU ASAHINA!

mikuru

(bow)


Problems with Clear Wireless

So, I was speaking to clear about my poor internet speeds since last Thursday. Here is a snapshot of my conversation with them.

Clear Conversation

 

Yeah, it was pretty funny. I originally posted this to my Facebook account. Here is a copy of one of my responses when some people started asking questions.

I am actually doing more research into the matter. Wired cable is treated similar to a telephone: it’s considered a utility. If I can argue and prove that their service is unusable during extended periods of time, I can corner them into giving me a month for free and they can’t fight it. In a sense, they would be obligated to waive the monthly service. Many people don’t know, but if your home telephone goes out for more than 4 hours in a day, you are entitled to one day free service. If it goes out for more than a day, you are entitled to a month of free service. This is how it was when I worked for AT&T and Time Warner. It’s not something the utility companies talk about, but it’s regulated by the FCC. Since wireless is also regulated by the FCC, I want to see exactly how they define wireless internet. If it’s deemed a utility, then I have that argument. They can try to deny me the credit, but then I can complain to the FCC directly and they would then be forced to give me the credit. I tear apart Terms and Conditions all the time when I buy things. I did the same thing with Cricket Wireless. They refused to refund me my rate plan cost because they tried to tell me it was considered an “Activation Fee.” I went into their T&C and found that it did not consider a “Rate Plan” an “Activation Fee.” I argued my case and won and my monthly service was refunded to me. My years in wireless really helped me in so many ways.

I did do a little more research, but in the end I was just sick of Clear and sick of paying $50 a month for something that hadn’t worked as advertised for 8 straight days. Here is something I was originally going to post to Facebook, but decided just to add to this blog post.

UPDATE! – So, I called Clear today to cancel. I had been using the internet service from them again this morning and was still getting massive slowdowns. I call them and I tell them I want to cancel. I was expecting them to try and do a save which is when they offer you usually some sort of credit or discount to try and keep you from canceling your service with them. We did that when I worked for AT&T Wireless so I figured they’d do it as well. They did give me a great offer though. They knocked 40% off my service price, no contract. I said sure, go ahead and apply the save promo, but if my speeds aren’t any better in the next couple of days I will just end up canceling anyway. Well, I had mentioned in a previous post that I knew they were purposely slowing me down via a bandwidth management system they use. Guess what…no more than 5 minutes after I ended my call with Clear, my pre-issue speeds are back to their previous levels. (Feigning shock) Now, even during peak times, my speeds are quite fast and I am paying far less for the same service. Lesson? COMPLAIN! I figured the worst that could happen was they offered nothing and I would just rid myself of them, but now it looks like I am on an unofficial “Do not throttle” list, at least for a little while.

Here is a copy of an email I got from Clear along with the “Save” promo they added. (I blotted out personal info)

clearemail

 

You’ll notice the name of the promo is Loyalty Stay Connected 6mos. I am thinking perhaps since I had been with them over 6 months that this promo might only be good for people that have been with them for a certain period of time. In other words, if you’ve been with them for only 6 or 7 weeks you may not be offered this. They also said that this promo was good for 6 months so it might also mean that. Still, most places that offer internet and cell phone service generally give better save offers if you’ve been with them for a good while.

Well, this is how it went with me and Clear. If something changes, I will give an update. For now, I am enjoying my faster speeds again and hope they stay that way.


28 Days of Prozac (Fluoxetine)

After 28 days, I have noticed a significant change in my overall mood. I can’t say I am not feeling a little low, but the low is not as bad as it was 28 days ago. I noticed I have been sleeping quite a bit more. I can’t say if that is a symptom of my depression or if I am just feeling a little zonked out. I know when I was on Invega (an antipsychotic) I felt like a complete zombie. While I am no longer on that drug (now on Fanapt, a very low dose), I do feel sort of zombied out, but not as much as I did back then. I still feel emotion and I can still experience some bad lows. However, it looks like the Prozac is doing its job and prevent too many lows. They are still there, but they don’t come as often.

I have found that there are times when I still deal with some pretty bad anxiety so I can’t say that the Prozac is helping as far as that. I have gotten some questions as to other known side effects. To address each one, here is a short list and my experience with them.

 

  • very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, feeling like you might pass out; – I have felt light headed at times, but not enough to pass out. This isn’t unusual for me though. 
  • agitation, hallucinations, overactive reflexes, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea; – I’ve not felt overly agitated. It is normal for me to have hallucinations. I have felt significantly more nausea. Again, nausea is normal for me, but it has been more prevalent since starting Prozac. 
  • headache, slurred speech, severe weakness, muscle cramps, loss of coordination, feeling unsteady, seizure (convulsions), shallow breathing (breathing may stop); – I have had some pretty bad headaches, but as with some of the other issues, headaches are normal for me. Same as the others, the headaches have been slightly more intense, but they are manageable so far. 
  • severe skin reaction — fever, sore throat, swelling in your face or tongue, burning in your eyes, skin pain, followed by a red or purple skin rash that spreads (especially in the face or upper body) and causes blistering and peeling. – I’ve not experienced any of these side effects. 
  • drowsiness, yawning; – It has gotten somewhat significant. I find that I am quite tired a lot of the time, but cannot sleep. I have been using OTC sleep aids sparingly(diphenhydramine). 
  • tremors, sweating, feeling anxious or nervous; – This is normal for me. I have Klonopin to help with meltdowns from anxiety. For reference, I take the Klonopin, on average, twice a week to knock me down. I do not take it daily. 
  • dry mouth, upset stomach, mild nausea; – See above.
  • sleep problems (insomnia), strange dreams; – I’ve mentioned my sleep issues. My dreams have almost always been very strange and often lucid so this is not unusual for me. 
  • mild rash; – None so far. 
  • changes in weight or appetite; – I’ve mentioned this before as well. I am seeing what is slowly becoming a significant weight change. I first noticed I wasn’t feeling nearly as hungry about a week or so after starting Prozac. There have been days where I’ve not eaten at all. To avoid any complications, I have started scheduling my meals and setting reminders to eat. When I do eat, I am eating far less and am almost never hungry. I am eating simply so I won’t feel light headed or fatigued. I still enjoy the taste of food so when I do eat, I am usually having something I really like. I have, since my teen years, be really into pastas and high carb foods; a habit I picked up when I used to play tennis. I do have some pastas now, but as I said, I’m not eating nearly as much as I used to. I can think of only a single time in the past 3 weeks where I’ve felt a little hungry and that was at the end of the day when I’d forgotten to eat anything. In the past month, I have dropped about 15 lbs. I was working out quite a bit, but then I hurt my back (have had a bad back for years) so I stopped to let myself heal (this was before I started the Prozac). Even without the workouts, I am still dropping weight. I suspect when I start up again with my workouts, I will drop more weight which is fine with me. I have carried a lot of extra weight most of my adult life so dropping 30-40 lbs will do me some good. 
  • decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm; – I’ve not noticed any of these symptoms. 
  • cold symptoms such as stuffy nose, sinus pain, sore throat. – I have had a slightly stuffy nose, but I am going to say it’s probably from my allergies. I have common seasonal allergies so that could be the reason why I get a stuffy nose from time to time.

I’ve read studies that have seen an increased proclivity to violence from people taking Prozac. I’ve not experienced anything that would suggest this happening with me. I’ve always been a very passive person though. I have never been the type to go around looking for an argument or a fight. If you have been known as someone with a short temper, make sure you tell your doctor if you find yourself a little more on edge than usual.

I’ve mentioned it before, but in case you want my diagnosis for reference, I was formally diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder (depressive type). The medications I am on right now to help with this are Prozac, Fanapt, Klonopin, and Buspar. I also take a few other medications for unrelated health issues such as Zanaflex for migraine, tension, and cluster headaches.

If you have questions, you can comment all you like and I will respond or you can use my contact information if your question is of a personal nature.

English: Invega retard tablets Magyar: Invega ...

English: Invega retard tablets Magyar: Invega retard tabletta (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


21 Days of Prozac (Fluoxetine)

 

It began to feel as if the positives from this medication were starting to creep through. I can’t say I was any more happy that I have been. I’m never really happy. However, I did feel a little less down, especially on days 18-21. It looks like the medication is starting to make an impact on my overall mood which is a good thing. Still, I am seeing side effects from it so I have to address those here.

 

Positives:

 

Overall better mood. My mood is usually pretty low so while this is an improvement, I cannot say I am “all better.” After all, you’re never really “all better.” I find I am thinking less about suicide. It’s still a daily thing, but my mind wasn’t going nearly as far down that road as it sometimes does. I am finding it easier to laugh at things that should be funny. I guess you could say it has started working as far as mood. As far as other issues, well….

 

Neutrals:

 

I am still not feeling hungry. I list this as a neutral because some people want this while others don’t. I don’t mind one way or the other. I was getting tired of always gaining weight with other medications. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you gain 30 pounds. In a way, some medications are self defeating in that way. Sure, it might trick your brain into thinking you are happy, but looking in the mirror brings it all down again. I’ve dropped about 8 pounds since starting the medication so my weight loss isn’t terribly dramatic. I had to stop my usual workouts because of an injury so who knows how much I might have lost if I’d been able to continue my exercise. I am looking to get back into my workouts next week so we’ll see if I drop anymore weight.

 

Negatives:

 

My sleep is still very erratic. I am having to depend on other medications to get at least some sleep. Even then, I am constantly waking up throughout the night; at least 15-25 times a night. I’m not exaggerating. My anxiety isn’t seeing much of a decline from the medication. Just yesterday (day 22) I had a meltdown and had to turn to Klonopin to knock me down. I could feel the anxiety attack coming on, but there was nothing I could do to stop it besides my benzo. After that, I lied down and tried to relax. My body was numb, but my mind was still racing. Still, I managed to fall asleep about 2 hours later, but as I mentioned, I kept waking up.

 

Overall, I think the medication has more positives than negatives. I know Prozac isn’t a catch all. I’ve been down this road before and I know I will probably always have to be on multiple meds to manage my illness. I am glad I stuck with the Prozac though as it is showing some positive results and few negatives. I still find myself creating my own worlds when I leave the house so I can manage to do normal things like visit the grocery store. I still don’t talk to people and I still don’t make eye contact unless she does it for me. I go in, get what I need, and leave. The only place I let go a little is the book store. It’s always so quiet in there and the smell of fresh paper is soothing. I will probably end up going there again very soon.

 

Clonazepam tablets Klonopin 1mg.

Clonazepam tablets Klonopin 1mg. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


14 Days of Prozac (Fluoxetine)

 

Here are a few more things I’ve experienced 14 days into taking Prozac.

 

I’m still not feeling hardly any desire to eat. It looks like that side effect isn’t let up at all. As before, I don’t mind it at all as it’s helping me drop some weight. The only issue I am having is making sure I eat enough. Every time I eat I am never hungry. I only do it because I have to. I’ve also found I am less thirsty which goes hand in hand with the hunger thing. I’ve dropped some water weight, but not a huge amount.

 

I cannot say this is from the Prozac as I’ve experienced them before, but I ended up with a massive migraine on Sunday, the 14th day of my prozac intake. It was quite bad. I had all the classic symptoms: upset stomach, nausea, any little noise threw me off, even the dimmest if lights were too much. It was bad. I ended up sleeping through most of it with some help from my Zanaflex. After that, I ended up with a tension headache which wasn’t any more pleasant.

 

My pain threshold is getting smaller. Again, I cannot say that this is necessarily because of the Prozac. For some reason, I have been having major problems with my back lately so I am deal with significantly higher pain levels. I am always usually about a 4 or 5, but lately it is getting up into 6 and 7, occasionally hitting 8 and 9 which is really bad. I do have some Hydrocodone 7.5’s to help with it thankfully. I have an appointment set to see my general practitioner in about a week for my back. I did end up at the ER because of the pain which is where I got the Hydro. It was given as a short term solution.

 

My mood seems to be stabilizing a little. On the Celexa I was previously taking, I was still having really bad mood swings. The prozac seems to be helping a little. I cannot say for certain yet. It might be I am just going through a period where I am in a slightly better mood. I will update this on my next post 21 Days of Prozac.

 

I did have one very strange side effect that I’d not experienced with other SSRI‘s. One night for about three hours, I experienced a very strange sense of euphoria. I’d not taken any of my muscle relaxers or any pain medication. I felt very lightheaded and it almost felt like I was floating above my bed. I couldn’t sleep during this period, but the sensation of lightheadedness was so intense that I dared not get up. I was still in pain, yet I felt free and almost like I was going to break apart into molecules. It was a very odd sensation that I can only attribute to my brain releasing some sort of natural painkiller like a continuous endorphin rush. For a time, I thought maybe I was slipping into psychosis as my hallucinations did increase during that time. They were manageable though and not scary at all. Seeing them actually made me feel at ease.

 

Well, this is my update after 14 days. When 21 days have come, I will give another write up to see if the three week threshold provides any added relief.

 

Fluoxetine HCl 20mg Capsules (Prozac)

Fluoxetine HCl 20mg Capsules (Prozac) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


The Pain, The Struggle, and The ER

 

I was in terrible pain all last night and into this morning. So much so that I ended up in the ER at Memorial Hospital. I thought I’d hurt myself a couple of weeks ago which caused me far more pain than normal. I figured I would get over it, but never did so off to the ER I went.

 

I’m in massive pain as I wait through the examination. I sit for hours, waiting for my meds to be ready. I got lucky and the ER doc took mercy on me and gave me Hydrocodone 7.5’s (they usually give 5’s, 7.5’s are reserved for major pain). I’m so thankful that I can finally get some sleep and get close to pain free, a phrase I’ve long since forgotten. I come home, I do some work that needs to be done, hurting the entire time. I don’t take the hydro because I know it will put me on my butt. I tell myself to wait till I am done with all my work so it gets done. I finish things up, I hit the shower, I dry off, I lie down…and then suddenly the pain lets up and I am able to move around with far less pain.

 

I never took the hydrocodone. As I sit here now writing this, the pain is still there, but manageable. It’s sort of funny. I spend almost two weeks in great pain and when I finally break down and go to the ER, the day I come back with meds that will help me I am suddenly feeling better. I guess I can only attribute this to the power of the mind to heal. I’m not taking it too far though. I’m still going to see my general practitioner when my appointment day comes. I know my body and I have a feeling I may need the hydro in the next 24 hours.

 

English: Hydrocodone bitartrate 7.5 mg / ibupr...

English: Hydrocodone bitartrate 7.5 mg / ibuprofen 200 mg tablet (generic Vicoprofen) manufactured by Watson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


7 Days of Prozac (Fluoxetine)

For those of you who’ve followed my posts on mental illness, you all may know I’ve been on a few antidepressants. I’ve been on Pristiq which did not agree with me at all. I got some major side effects which caused me to have a massive meltdown so I was taken off. I was then moved onto Celexa and that seemed to work pretty well for a while. I didn’t feel amazing or anything, but I was better able  to manage my mood swings and depressive episodes.

Last summer I went off my meds without telling my doctors. I wanted to try to live without the need of medications. I was also getting some unwanted effects from another drug I was on called Latuda. If you are not familiar with that drug, it is an antipsychotic drug that is used in the treatment of Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective  Disorder, and a few other forms of mental illness.

I did alright for a period of time while off the drugs as I was able to cope with my depression and anxiety. That didn’t last though. I had contemplated going back on meds, but I didn’t want to as I hated some of the unwanted effects. The biggest complaint came from the Latuda. It has a major numbing effect on your emotions. It does have some benefits though. It quieted most of the voices in my head and lessened my visual hallucinations to the point where I had maybe 1-2 a day. Off medication, my hallucinations are quite frequent; visuals come and go although they are not intrusive all the time and the voices aren’t terribly bothersome for the most part. The exception is when I find myself under great stress. In those times, the voices and visual hallucinations can get out of control and that was why I was given the Latuda.

The cons, as I mentioned, was the numbing effect. In a way, I felt almost zombie like. Next to nothing generated any sort of emotional response. I couldn’t really feel much sadness, but I also couldn’t feel joy. I didn’t feel anger. I did sometimes feel frustration, but that was mostly because of the fact that I couldn’t feel anything at all. If all I wanted out of life was to sit in my room and watch game shows, I suppose that would be fine. However, I want something more.

Fast forward several months and my depression is getting quite bad. My hallucinations have returned, but they are manageable for the most part. I revisit my psychiatrist after several months away. He tries to put me back on Celexa, but unfortunately it isn’t working for me after two months. In comes Prozac.

I’d been on the drug previously in 2009, but only for a very short period when I was so lost in my mind I don’t even remember how long I took it. In the years since, I’d educated myself more on mental illness and medications. So much so that I now frequent the Yahoo! answer forums and take on some of the harder questions so I can try to do something positive. Through my research, I read up more on Prozac. I remembered being on it, but as I said I don’t even know if it helped or not. I asked my doctor about it and he said we could definitely try Prozac again to see how it works for me. Here is the deal so far.

I know it’s too early to know if it’s working on my depression. It can take about 3 weeks before I start seeing any positive effects of that nature. What I have noticed though are some side effects after the 7 days I’ve been on it. One…I’m actually feeling worse as far as my mood goes. My anxiety has gotten bad so I’ve had to resort to the Klonopin a couple of times. I’ve been able to manage though. I expected something like this so I was prepared. Another interesting effect that I’d read about and interestingly am getting is a lack of appetite. I actually don’t mind this effect at all. I’ve been exercising a lot the past month to try and improve my moods and also to drop a little weight. I noticed that I wasn’t feeling hungry at all on the 2nd day which wasn’t expected. I thought I wouldn’t get this particular effect till I was seeing the true benefits of the drug. As I said, I don’t mind having a lighter appetite, but I’ve figured out that I have to watch myself though.

Without even realizing it, I went an entire day without eating. I had water which is normal for me, but I never once felt the urge to eat. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten till the next day when I thought about it. I ended up at the grocery store to get some food, but didn’t buy much as I still wasn’t hungry. I started feeling a little light headed though so I went ahead and had a good meal; some grilled chicken, green beans and corn. It wasn’t a very large meal, but boy did it fill me up. I did not eat the rest of the day. The follow day I still wasn’t feeling hungry so I had a big Honeycrisp apple about midday. I also kept with my water and still, I didn’t feel hungry.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that this side effect was pretty significant for me. I’d read about people not getting it and some who say they did. It looks like I’m turning out to be one that’s getting it, but I know I need to be careful.

I often schedule things for me in advance and have a list of things I need to make sure to do every day like take meds, exercise, clean certain parts of the house…you know, everyday chores. I keep the list because I sometimes deal with overwhelming compulsions to do things over and over because I feel I didn’t do them before so I use my check off list as a reminder that I did in fact do them. I am adding eating to this list. I figure as long as I have two decent meals a day along with a snack like an apple (love apples) or an orange, I should be just fine. The only issue is that now I am finding it annoying to eat when I’m not hungry. I’ve started to make my meals smaller, but not too small. I don’t want to push my body into any sort of shock from a sudden diet change.

Beyond that, I’m happy to say that I’m not getting any other significant side effects. Hopefully, I will start to see the true benefits of the drug in a couple of weeks.

If you suffer from depression, it’s important that you talk to your doctor about it. I cannot say that Prozac will work the same for you. Only your doctor should advise you on the types of drugs you should be taking. I guess I should add this in as well: No, I am not being paid to say these things about Prozac. This is just my personal experience with the drug. If you come across some online pharmacy trying to sell you drugs like Prozac or Klonopin, they are scams! Avoid them. Only get a prescription from your family doctor or psychiatrist and fill your medications at a licensed pharmacy like CVS, Walgreens, Walmart, etc. Prozac is available in generic form and is very inexpensive, especially from Walmart as a 30 day supply is only $4.

Fluoxetine (Prozac), an SSRI

Fluoxetine (Prozac), an SSRI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


NSA Spying Fiasco

Here is a little something I wrote up about this whole NSA fiasco.

This all reminds me of that scene with Bruce Wayne and Lucius Fox in The Dark Knight when Batman is doing everything possible to locate and capture the joker. Batman lets lucius know he took his sonar idea and applied it to every cellphone in the city for the sole purpose of catching one man (A terrorist). Foxx refers to it as “Beautiful, unethical, dangerous.” When Batman says he must do everything he can to stop the joker, Foxx looks at him and says “At what cost?”

Even Christopher Nolan saw this coming as many of us did. How many more liberties are you willing to sacrifice in the name of safety? How many more laws are going to pass, taking away more of our freedoms until we realize that we have completely given up on the idea of freedom and have become slaves to fear? Even with all these new laws that are supposed to keep us safe from terrorists, I don’t feel even a tiny bit safer. In fact, I feel more like a prisoner. Knowing I can’t do anything unless big brother is looking over my shoulder goes against everything I was taught about the USA growing up.

For years, people have been talking about the novel 1984, saying that we are heading in that direction. Most of the people who said that stuff were called conspiracy theorists. Well, it’s not longer a theory. It’s a fact. For so long allowing the government to do this kind of thing has been seen as a slippery slope. Well, I can see us sliding already. Many people 50 years from now will mark this as the beginning of the end of our freedom. It start with the Patriot Act and it continued with what we are seeing now. I openly admit to being a staunch Obama supporter all these years, but this…I cannot accept.

I know this program started under Bush, but Obama kept it going. I refuse to live in a police state. These violations of privacy are unacceptable. When I am an old man and look back on my life, tracing back to when I lost faith in the “American Way,” I can mark this as the starting point. I can see now why some millionaires are leaving the country. Not only for tax purposes, but this country is no longer free. There are a ton of other countries out there that are safer than ours but their people are truly free. I am sure any number of them would be happy to take a few more millionaires in.

Referring back to The Dark Knight, Foxx finally said to Batman “I’ll help you this one time, but consider this my resignation. As long as this machine exists at Wayne Enterprises, I won’t.” I wish politicians had as much backbone as a fictional character. One can only wish they would have the guts to stand up for what is right. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this is wrong on so many levels. I am not one to make idle threats, but believe me when I say if and when I’m financially able to leave this country, I will. As long as this sort of program exists in the United States, I won’t.

 

This is no longer the land of the free. It is the home of the scared. For years we have been told that if we don’t do this or that, that the terrorists will win. Well, guess what. They have. Sure, the government will say they have thwarted an attack here and there, but if they are hiding this program from us, who is to say any of what they tell us about preventing terror attacks is true? You know how the terrorists have won? We cannot go anywhere in our country anymore without being on camera. We cannot watch television without the NSA knowing about it. We cannot surf the internet, make a phone call, send a text message, or have what we thought were private conversations on Facebook without big brother watching every single thing we are saying. Even Michael Caine‘s character Alfred Pennyworth told Batman what he felt they would eventually have to do to catch the jewel thief when he was in Burma: they burned the forest down.

I’ve lost all confidence in the US Government when it comes to protecting the rights of its citizens. When a government can take any citizen it wants and jail them indefinitely without filing charges, you cannot consider this a free country. Yes, they really can do that. Go read the Patriot Act and it will show you how it can. The same thing for people who still think the government needs a search warrant to tap your phones. They don’t. Again, it’s in the Patriot Act. All they government has to do is say that they think you are a threat and they can completely tear your life apart and there is nothing you can do about it. You can view all the data on the Patriot Act here. 

People will still argue that these laws are in place to protect us. I do not feel any safer than I did before 911. It is a sad fact that everyone dies. No amount of laws will ever keep us 100% safe. It is a cold hard fact. There will always be terrorism and there will always be mass killers walking into schools and movie theaters looking to kill as many people as possible. Short of taking away virtually every freedom we have left, no law will ever stop these things. Ever.

Cover of "The Dark Knight: Wide Screen Co...

Cover via Amazon