Writing a Dream

Higher Dosage

I’ve been moved to 6mg of Invega from 3mg. I’m about 3 days into the new dose and like last time, I’m feeling all my emotions drain out of me. I don’t feel much of anything and this drug has it’s way of doing that. I’m sure it’s just a way to stabilize a person, but I still don’t enjoy it. Even now I am having trouble even writing this. I keep getting this sensation that I don’t care, but I know that’s not it. It’s just the drug doing that. Like last time, I’m not hearing much of anything most of the time. Last night was the exception. The usual voices in the other room and some strange compulsions, but I know that’s my body getting shocked by the higher dose. Interestingly enough, I now have no appetite. That’s for the best though. When getting on the Celexa, I gained a few pounds which I did not like. Perhaps this will be the time to get them off again.

As always, my compulsions are rather harmless. I feel the need to brush my hair and to search for things within the paint of the walls in my room. I also feel the need for a bath at least 6-7 times a day, although I am only bathing once, making sure to limit my time in there. When I have that time I tend to let my mind wander and as ridiculous as it seems, I sometimes find myself in panics because of it. I find myself obsessing about the same things over and over again, but I won’t get into that. I’m just glad I’m not one of those crazies that hurts people, although I’m sure some people assume that. I simply don’t have it in me to harm another person and it hurts me to know some people assume I am a danger to them. It makes me want to avoid people all over again. I do anyway. I don’t want to go to the groups anymore as I no longer feel welcome.

I’m going to stop writing now as I don’t have the drive to continue.

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